~Napoleon Hill
The concept of resiliency has received a lot of attention in the social and behavioral sciences. Central to most researchers' definition of resiliency is the notion of strength in the face of adversity. I like to think of resiliency as the capacity to find satisfaction in life, even in the wake of multiple traumas. In other words, the resilient personality has the ability to make negative personal experiences, bearable.
As you might expect, people typically do not immediately
adjust well to personal tragedies. The loss of a loved one, the loss of a job
or the news of a chronic illness can lead most people to feel overwhelmed by
negative emotion.
We often see a three phase experience in such instances. The
first psychological responses to personal tragedy, trauma or loss, are
typically vacillation between shock and denial. This usually quickly resolves
to a second phase where most individuals are able to get in touch with their
emotions related to loss and grief. A third phase then emerges whereby the individual
experiences a sense of meaninglessness and a loss of life purpose.
Somewhere between that second and third phase, resilient
people seem to launch onto an uncommon trajectory. Those people who are highly resilient will
begin to cope because of the meaning they have and find in their personal
lives. You see, it’s the people who are in search of meaning in their lives
that tend to not merely survive their tragedy, but come to thrive in the
aftermath of the tragedy. And believe it or not, one of the most common themes
to emerge in resilient people is the tendency to find personal life meaning by
providing benefit to others!
Two examples of highly resilient people that I like to point
to include Dr. Randy Paush and Candace Lightner.
You may recall Professor Paush from his now famous “last
lecture” video. The Carnegie Mellon University professor had been diagnosed
with terminal pancreatic cancer and given only a few weeks to a few months to
live. Rather than use his remaining time sitting around feeling sorry for
himself or getting depressed, Dr. Paush used the internet to publish an
inspirational video (and later a book by the same title) that not only talked
about what it means to live a life of generosity and positivity, but left the
legacy of the video and book, both of which continue to live on, showing
exactly what overcoming obstacles in life
looks like.
Likewise, Candace Lightner founded Mothers Against Drunk
Driving (MADD) in 1980 following the tragic hit and run motor vehicle accident
that fatally wounded her 13 year old daughter. Lightner could have done
nothing, but instead, she founded MADD and in doing so, she found new meaning
in her own life by creating what would become one of the nation’s most
successful charitable operations.
What makes a Randy Paush or a Candace Lightner more
resilient than the average person? I happen to think it is something I like to
call the “seeds of resilience” and I happen to believe those seeds can not only
be planted in anyone, but with proper care, they will sprout up at just the
right time—a time of unavoidable crisis.
In my practice, one of the things I do is help individuals
to learn exactly what their areas of strength and vulnerability are. By
learning this, I can help coach my clients to plant some of their “strength
seeds” in their more vulnerable areas so that when tough times come, what
sprouts up from them is resiliency that brings them beyond surviving and into
thriving!
If you would like to learn more about how I might be able to
assist you, I invite you to contact me. I can be reached at my Uptown New
Orleans office at 504-481-8997.
Dr. Eileen Wynne