Stop at Nothing: Simple Steps to Setting and Achieving Goals

Did you make a New Year’s resolution? 

Maybe you planned to get more fit, eat healthier, or master a foreign language?  It's now that time of year when well-intentioned New Year's resolutions have either become part of your routine, or distant memories. 

People tend to make resolutions at the beginning of the new year because it feels like a fresh start, a time when we feel that we can begin anew, in other words, a perfect time for a formal expression of our best intentions for the coming year. It makes a lot of sense. If resolutions are such a good thing, then why is it that less than 10% of people who make resolutions actually keep them?

The truth may be that we are just looking at them the wrong way.

Why Goals may be Healthier than Resolutions

A typical resolution, and one so common that it has become a cliche, is spending more time at the gym in the new year. Why does this positive resolution so often fall flat? Because it is not framed in a way that demonstrates the true aspiration of going to the gym. A goal such as: getting in better shape over the coming months, is much easier to incorporate because it directly addresses the benefit to the goal setter. 

While goals direct your focus to where you'd like to be, resolutions often point to shortcomings or negative attributes that need to be changed. Goals help prompt you to meet your potential, while resolutions tend to point to places where you've fallen short. Resolutions also tend to be all or nothing, either you quickly achieve your resolutions, or they are given up entirely. Not so with goals. Because goals are more strategic and tend to be incremental and long-term, you can work toward them in a number of ways, always pushing forward, even when progress is slow. Goals can be smaller daily, weekly, or monthly tasks that move you toward larger scale achievement. Goals are more positive and aspirational and less negative and scolding.

Steps for empowering yourself to achieve your goals. 

Visualize what your life will look and feel like when you have achieved your goals.

If learning a foreign language is your objective, then imagine yourself sitting in another country and speaking the language fluently. Imagine how you will feel when you have accomplished the goal. If your goal is to eat healthier, imagine how you will feel eating healthier food, imagine the added vitality and energy. Visualizing yourself achieving your goals, will help motivate you to take the actions necessary to achieve them.

Write your goals down

Get out a piece of paper and write your goals down. Post the note somewhere highly visible. This will serve as a daily reminder of what you’d like to attain. Being reminded on an ongoing basis will motivate you to work towards your goals. Writing your goals down also helps you clarify them. Finally, having a concrete record of your goal will enable you to celebrate your progress toward the goal and eventually, your successes.

Tell a friend.

Talk about your goals with people you trust who will encourage and support you.

Having someone to check in with will help you see your progress.  Accountability will also help keep you motivated to move forward. Even better than telling a friend, is working with a friend who has a similar goal If, for example, you have a friend with a similar fitness goal, becoming gym buddies will help keep you both on track!

Don’t Wait- Get started now!

Jump in and start moving in the direction of what you’d like to accomplish now! Why wait another day.  Research shows that it takes about 21 days to to establish a new routine, get started today and you will be one step closer to your target!

Please feel free to reach out to me if you’d like help with your setting achievable goals.  I am available to young professionals and emerging adults who are ready to overcome their challenges on a quest to transform their lives!  My website it full of blog entries and useful content to help you along your way, and I hope you find this free content useful on your journey. Feel free to reach out to me directly if have any questions or if you are interested in scheduling a private session.

Sincerely,

Dr. Eileen Wynne

Labor of Love: Signs You are in a Great Relationship

In our culture, a lot of attention is focused on the negative aspects of romance, love, and marriage. But today, in honor of Valentine’s Day, I’d like to celebrate great relationships and look at what keeps them going and growing. This post is about all the things that make being a part of a committed romantic relationship so rewarding.  

What keeps people together for decades, loving and supporting one another? 
Some of the key components of a healthy, lasting relationship are trust, communication, affection, and commitment. In a healthy relationship, there is play, laughter, and pleasure. There is also respect and support for one another. When people commit to one another and build their lives together, it takes consistent work, but as love and affection grow and bonds get stronger, the rewards of commitment are many.  The stability of a strong relationship can enable individuals to grow in ways they might not have otherwise had the courage to. In great relationships you often find mutual admiration, which prompts them to become better themselves. In fact, in the best relationships, the partner becomes a mirror in which we see ourselves, good and not-so-good, and are inspired to grow emotionally and spiritually as a result.  As young adults transition out of college and into careers, many will likewise move from hooking up and fooling around into more serious, longer term relationships. It is important to know what a great relationship looks like. Let’s look at some of the signs a relationship has what it takes to stand the test of time.

You trust one another.

Trust is a foundational element of healthy relationships. Empathy and compassion for one another enables partners in loving relationships to treat each other as they want to be treated. Trust naturally develops in a relationship where two people treat one another with respect and compassion. In a great relationship you trust your partner in all kinds of different circumstances, knowing that there is loyalty and commitment.

You are invested in one another’s lives and goals.

You know what your partner wants to accomplish and they know what your goals are. You help one another to be more successful. You support one another through difficult times and celebrate one another’s success and achievements.

You work at cultivating effective communication.

If trust is the engine of a good relationship, communication is the fuel that keeps that engine running. Happy couples communicate often and, sharing joys and disappointments alike. They support and console one another when things are challenging and are there for a great big high five when things go well.  

Some indicators of great communication:

• You are willing to listen to your partner’s opinions even while arguing
• You can talk about things that make you feel vulnerable, like fears and anxieties
• You engage in consistently respectful dialogues
• Able to speak openly, freely sharing opinion and feelings and you feel comfortable and heard when expressing feelings
• You listen without criticizing

Together  these elements of good communication lead partners to feel connected and comfortable communicating with one another. They help establish an environment where affection and loyalty can grow.  Communicating through conflict allows relationships to grow stronger.

You have genuine affection for one another.

You enjoy spending time with your partner, you have common activities and interests. You look forward to being together. In great relationships, partners typically have a number of  shared interests as well and many independent activities.

Respect for commitment.

You both value the relationship. You know that nothing in life is certain and that you are fortunate to have one another to share the ups and downs with. You feel gratitude for your partner and the life you have with them.

Relationships can be hard work, but when you do the work, they are incredibly rewarding. By sharing the good days and bad days with someone, you learn more about yourself and become a better person. Trust and communication lead to a connection between people that can provide individuals with the kind of love that enhances life tremendously.

Please feel free to reach out to me if you’d like to further discuss the relationships in your life. I am available to young professionals and emerging adults who are ready to overcome their challenges on a quest to transform their lives!  My website it full of blog entries and useful content to help you along your way, and I hope you find this free content useful on your journey. Feel free to reach out to me directly if have any questions or if you are interested in scheduling a private session.

Sincerely,
Dr. Eileen Wynne

6 Ways to Care for the Introverts in Your Life

What is an Introvert?

Carl Jung popularized the terms Introvert and Extrovert. Introverts tend to be reserved and solitary, while Extroverts are typically characterized as outgoing and social. These two human personality traits are thought to exist on a single continuum, each representing an opposite end. It is understood that an individual’s levels of introversion and extroversion can fluctuate throughout the span of a lifetime.  

Understanding personality traits can help people determine what type of careers and activities best suit them, and to that end, levels of introversion-extroversion are evaluated on several personality tests, including the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. It is currently believed that extroverts outnumber introverts 3 to 1, so if you are in the extroverted majority, understanding how an introvert thinks and engages with the world may be new to you. The awareness that someone you love is an introvert can help you to realize their needs and understand their tendencies. Below are six ways you can care for the introverts in your life.

Recognize the introverted people in your life.

Recognizing the nature of your friends and family members and making the effort to try to accommodate them is care in the truest sense. Introverts think deeply about things and are likely to be very appreciative when you recognize the things they require to thrive.

Understand that after social exchanges, they will need a recharge.

Social interactions consume a lot of an introvert’s energy. After being in a social setting for a period of time, an introvert will need some quiet, solitary time to recharge. This is especially true for networking exchanges which can be extremely taxing for introverts. An introvert will shut down, feeling completely depleted, if they are not given sufficient time to recharge.

Give them plenty of alone time.

Similar to the time needed to recharge after social interactions, introverts also tend to need more solitary time than extroverts. For an introvert, quiet time or downtime is not boring, it is extremely satisfying and necessary for maintaining a feeling of balance.

Respect their tendency to be a quiet observer.

Introverts tend to be observers and deep thinkers. They will often not share opinions until they have had time to thoroughly think a subject through. Introverts often choose to think now and speak later. Not typically assertive or outspoken, they prefer to watch and listen until they feel that they have something important to contribute to a conversation. 

Shelve the small talk.

Introverts are best in one-on-one interactions where the subject matter is serious and the communication feels sincere. They typically enjoy discussing abstract, philosophical, and theoretical subjects over small talk.  Idle chatter may even cause the introverts in your life to feel stress and anxiety. Introverts prefer deep, thought-provoking conversations to casual chit chat. Additionally, introverts often let phone calls go directly to voicemail because they just don’t have the energy for a conversation.

Realize that what stimulates an extrovert, does not stimulate an introvert.

Parties and mingling with groups of strangers does not energize or stimulate introvert.  In fact, these activities can often overwhelm and exhaust them. Introverted people require a balance of social activity and solitude. And too much social stimulus can leave them feeling depleted.

Recognizing the needs of the ones you love is no small feat. If you are reading this article and it rings true for someone in your life, I hope you now feel better equipped to celebrate and appreciate the different personality traits that make connecting with others so rewarding.

Please feel free to reach out to me if you’d like to further discuss personality traits or the relationships in your life. I am available to young professionals and emerging adults who are ready to overcome their challenges on a quest to transform their lives!  My website it full of blog entries and useful content to help you along your way, and I hope you find this free content useful on your journey. Feel free to reach out to me directly if have any questions or if you are interested in scheduling a private session.

Sincerely,
Dr. Eileen Wynne

References

http://psychology.about.com/od/trait-theories-personality/f/introversion.htm

http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/extraversion-or-introversion.htm

http://www.livescience.com/37427-extroverts-have-different-brain-processes.html