Social media and loneliness in college

The emotional health of incoming college students has plummeted in recent years reaching its lowest level in a quarter of a century. Meanwhile, their stress levels have increased drastically due in part to greater financial strains and the foreknowledge of limited career options upon graduation. Technology, which on the one hand provides young people with wide open windows upon the world, has also narrowed students' real time social networks.

The world in which young adults find themselves is increasingly difficult to navigate, and these conditions are unlikely to reverse themselves unless we make concerted efforts to reach those students unable to cope with the emotional demands of college and adult life. 

While research suggests that in moderate doses social media can have a positive impact on youth, broadening students' network of peers, in large quantities, which is more and more the norm, social media can harm authentic social interactions. Time on Facebook can increase users' satisfaction, for instance, as well as increasing envy. According to research done by Julie Ross, director of Tufts’ Counseling and Mental Health Service, “Having a constant focus on what is happening somewhere else effectively removes people from staying connected in the face-to-face interactions they could be having, or are having at the moment, as those interactions get constantly interrupted by electronic signals from the phone or computer.”

In addition, the constant, mindless use of technology interferes with students' success in classes. It's not uncommon today for students to spend time during a lecture texting or browsing the internet. University of Virginia psychology professor Timothy Wilson has conducted a study that demonstrates the effects of unhealthy social media and technology use. The gist of his study is that young people deprived of their phones or computers for relatively short times start to become restless and anxious. Anyone, young or old, who has become attached to their smart phones can relate to this experience.

I've spoken with many young people who feel detached from their surroundings, who describe experiences devoid of interactive, emotional engagement, and who seem oblivious to their own social obligations. The trend towards transitory encounters has made building lasting relationships more challenging for young people, and more than ever, they express feelings of loneliness, confusion, and fear. 

If college life as you are experiencing it leaves you feeling miserable, isolated and afraid, begin to change the activities you engage in. Take frequent breaks from technology and social media and immerse yourself in college sports, cultural activities, and community events. Join clubs and study groups so that you can help others and yourself with your studies. Volunteer. Nourish your spiritual side. Learn to meditate and visualize goals. 

Dare to dream. 

The first steps toward expanding and enriching your life are the ones that take the greatest courage, but they can also provide the greatest rewards. It is amazing how often fulfilling relationships and life accomplishments follow those first positive choices. If you would like someone to help you take the first steps to construct or reconstruct the dreams you have for your life, contact me. A challenge is easier when it is shared. My life coaching services can help you reach your greatest potential. 

Dr. Eileen Wynne 

Come back next week, when we’ll examine the high school to college transition further, with particular focus on common socio-emotional issues and psycho-social development.

Freshman Year: the best of times and the worst of times

The transition from high school to college both invigorates and excites teenagers. Yet even happy transitions may cause stress and raise mixed feelings because of their potential to overturn a young person's sense of identity and disrupt the fragile balance of familiarity.

Melissa, an enthusiastic young girl whom I've known for years, couldn't wait to go to college. An intelligent and independent student, she was delighted by the promise of choosing a course of study that interested her and of finally having the freedom to make her own choices.

Though she had dreamed about it for years, one month after starting university she realized that her new life was more demanding than she had anticipated. She was forced to question her preconceptions about college life.

She felt homesick, lonely, and lost. The freedom that she had been longing for quickly became overwhelming. She was confronted with seemingly endless choices, and often, she didn't feel confident in her decision-making skills.

Managing her time was problematic as, in the past, a parent, teacher, or other well-meaning adult had generally made sure she got from her to there on time and turned in work by due dates. College work was also more difficult, and she felt academically inadequate, worrying often about how she was perceived by her professors and classmates.

Melissa had nothing in common with her roommate, and she hadn't built a support network of friends yet. She missed the loving warmth of her family, and she feared that she was losing touch with her high school friends. In short, Melissa felt anxious and depressed.

The first year of college presents young people with an opportunity to stretch their legs and stride the path of adulthood; however, high school students are often overconfident in their ability to manage the changes they encounter during their first years of autonomy. The gamut of trials young adults must go up against is daunting, and because we tend to define ourselves by our surroundings, when those surroundings change, it can be disorienting.

However, with support, these transitional years can be a time for tremendous growth. If you're a freshman struggling to adapt to college life, know that you don’t have to face these struggles by yourself. The guidance of a trusted adult such as a therapist or life coach can help you successfully navigate the stress and strain of transition while allowing you to maintain your independence.

Consider contacting my office in Uptown  New Orleans to learn more about how I can assist you through such a transition.

Dr. Eileen Wynne

References:

Mattanah, Jonathan F., Ayers, Jeath.,  Brand, Bethany., Brooks, Leonie., (1980) A social support intervention to ease the college transition.  Exploring main effects and moderators. Journal of  College Student Development. Volume 51, Number 1. January/February 2010,  pp: 93-108.

MANAGING LIFE TRANSITIONS: Why me? Why now?

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." ~ Victor Frankel

Living is a process of adapting to change.  No one escapes this reality and everyone is vulnerable to the uncertainty change brings.

Many transitions we plan for ourselves.  But even changes that are positive and anticipated - going away to college, accepting a job promotion, marriage, purchasing a home, the birth of a child—can be diverted by surprises.  Unanticipated transitions can traumatize us—the death of a loved one, being downsized at work, serious illness, ending a relationship—events such as these may shake our foundations.

One objective of successful living is to resolve to adapt as best you can to whatever comes your way.  That spirit of resilience helps in restoring balance and serenity.  Learning to move through life's transitions, accepting setbacks and crisis, pursuing new opportunities in spite of adversity are ways we grow in wisdom.

Here are some coping skills to manage stress during a transitional event:

1. Resolve to adapt: Transition affects all life forms constantly.  When change impacts you, resolving to adapt helps you restore balance and live in harmony with the world around you.

2.  Express yourself.  Give yourself time to work through your feelings about the transitional event.  Grieve your losses, celebrate your joys and then focus on moving forward  with your life.

3. Don't panic. There is always time.  Take it.  Think.  Make plans. Explore  possibilities.   Share ideas and concerns with mentors.

4. Stay sober.  Alcohol and drugs  divert your focus, provide no solutions and prolong the discomfort.

5. Take care of yourself.  Stress can compromise your physical and mental states of wellness. Attention to diet, exercise, spiritual and mental health can help you restore yourself to balance.

Having a caring, competent professional to work with during a time of transition isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of taking caring of self. If you or someone you know is in need of support during a life transition, please call me to schedule an appointment. Let's talk one-on-one about how my coaching and therapy practice can serve you. I can be reached at my Uptown New Orleans office at 504-481-8997.

Dr. Eileen Wynne

PRACTICAL DREAMS: Are you facing failure or rejection? Look again. Perhaps it's actually opportunity you see.

"If one dream should break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick up one of those pieces and start again".  ~ Flavia

Sometimes, a dream as you first envision it doesn't work out for you.  Don't give up.  Re-evaluate that dream.  Perhaps you can adapt pieces of it into something just as rewarding.  Adaptation is a creative process, not a symbol of failure.  I call adaptation practical dreaming.  A dream that didn't work as you envisioned it may prove to be your greatest success.  From one broken dream you may discover a thousand more to pursue.

•••••

Here is a simple visualization to help you begin to reconstruct a dream.  Visualization techniques are most effective when you engage them daily.

Choose a quiet place.  Relax in a meditation position that is comfortable for you.  Close your eyes if you prefer.  

Begin to breathe - deeply, slowly, regularly.

Let yourself imagine....

Near you is a shimmering blanket of white light.  Reach out, feel its softness and warmth. Pull its protective layers around you.  Bury your face in its soft folds.  Inhale its warmth, lightness and comfort.  Inhale.  Feel the fibers moving into the farthest reaches of your being.  Exhale any dark clouds of discouragement, failure and self-doubt, any anger and negativity that distracts you from your purpose.

When you are relaxed and at peace with yourself, think about your original dream.  Imagine it breaking into pieces.

Select  one piece and set the rest aside for now.  Examine it carefully.  What attracted you to this segment?  Can you adapt it into a new beginning?  

What steps can you take today to build this practical dream? 

If you would like someone to help you construct or reconstruct the dreams you have for your life, contact me! My Life Coaching services can help you discover and live the dream life you desire! I currently have a limited number of spots available in my private therapy and coaching practice in Uptown New Orleans. You may call me to make an appointment at 504-481-8997.

Dr. Eileen Wynne 

 

Is This Your Defining Moment?

"Occasions for defining moments do not arise every day.  When they do, we must seize the opportunities they present for improving everyone's life."  Richard Pound

"Is This Your Defining Moment?" is a motivational video by Virginia Kravitz, founder of In the Current®, about the pivotal moment that occurs when you "go on record" and make a profound promise to yourself. (Special thanks to Jim Brickman for providing his inspirational music; his song, "Journey" has been used with permission.)

Give it a watch!

Can you name a defining moment in your life? Did it impact on the trajectory of your life?

Trajectories bring about transitions and transitions are neither positive or negative until you allow them to become positive or negative. 

Transitions are simply where one chapter of your life ends and a new chapter begins. Do you realize that YOU can become the author of YOUR transitions? Can you see the POWER in such a discovery about self?

As a licensed psychotherapist and certified life coach, I can help YOU become the author of the life you desire!

Contact me for more information. I have a limited number of openings in my private practice in Uptown New Orleans and I'd love to talk to you about how we can work together.

Phone: 504-481-8997.

Dr. Wynne

LIFE AFTER OZ: The Wizard You Need

"I know I'm not the Wizard you expected -- but I just might be the Wizard you need."

  -- The Wizard of Oz, 1939  (movie trailer)

Isn't synchronicity amazing?

There you are (as Auntie Em might say) 'worrying yourself into anemia'   over something you consider unfair or unsolvable and suddenly the solution is so simple, so clear you can't imagine how you missed it.  Suddenly you're tripping all over alternatives.

I believe life works best when the mind, the heart and the courage to act on our fears are in synchronicity.  As a package, they help keep us grounded in ourselves.  Favor one over the others and life tilts in unexpected ways.

One way we experience that tilt is when we give our power away.  That might be a simple process or a multi-layered one but it usually happens when we allow someone else to make important decisions for us.

Take Dorothy's case.  Everyone had advice for Dorothy about her fight with the cantankerous Miss Gulch:

Zeke told her to fight:  "Have a little courage, that's all.   ...Next time she squeaks walk right up and spit in her eye. That's what I'd do!"

Hunk opted for reason:  "Now look here, Dorothy.  You aren't using your head about Miss Gulch.  You'd think you didn't have any brains at all... When you come home don't go by Miss Gulch's place.  Then Toto won't get in her garden, and you won't get in trouble."

Dorothy knew that while Hunk's advice sounded reasonable on the surface it would only provoke Miss Gulch further.   Zeke's approach felt like giving in.  Miss Gulch was on a mission to control her and would find other ways.  Ultimately, Dorothy traveled from Kansas to the Land of Oz in search of answers. 

In their victory over the evil Witch of the West, Dorothy and her friends reclaim power over their own lives. The subsequent awards of courage, heart and brain they received from the Wizard of Oz restore the Cowardly Lion, the Tin Woodsman and the Scarecrow to balance.   

Dorothy learned the most important lesson of all:  She discovered she didn't need to seek help from The Wizard of Oz to solve her problems. The powerful Wizard she needed was herself.

As a therapist and a life coach, I often have the privilege of helping people discover their own power that rests within. If you would like to learn how I can help you tap into your inner power to become all that you are destined to be, please feel free to contact me.  I currently have a limited number of spots available in private therapy and coaching practice in Uptown New Orleans. You may call me to make an appointment at 504-481-8997.

LIFE AFTER OZ: I was petrified (but I did it anyway.)

"Frightened?  Child, you're talking to a man who's laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom and chuckled at catastrophe ... I was petrified. " 

  -- The Wizard of Oz

None of us escape life's first- and last-time moments.  In large ways and small we encounter them repeatedly.  Births and deaths. Our very first day in the very first grade at school,  our very last day in the familiar halls of college.  Everyone takes those first steps into the adult world of work and relationships.  Some of us have to move beyond loss or injustice to find ourselves again.  Whatever challenges us, we can learn to appreciate the opportunities, that a new start  provides, even if beginning something new is scary.

The Premiere Balloonist for the Miracle Wonderland Carnival Company was petrified when his hot air balloon drifted beyond the reach of earth.  When he landed in Oz, the residents of the Emerald City gave the circus performer a royal title.  He became 'Oz, Wizard Deluxe!"  And as Oz explained to Dorothy, "Times being what they were, I accepted the job." 

Oz embraced his new role despite his fears and he adapted with remarkable inventiveness.  He even acquired some wisdom along the way.  In his final hours as Wizard of Oz he advised the Cowardly Lion:  "Being scared doesn't make you a coward, but not facing your fears does."

Pushing fear aside so that we can adapt and grow through our wins and our losses is a hallmark of successful living.

As therapist and life coach, I work with people daily who struggle but overcome the challenges that life throws at them.  If I can help you in such a struggle, I invite you to call for an appointment.  I currently have a limited number of openings in my private practice and you can reach me at 504-481-8997.