Gratitude is Good For You!

Gratitude is defined as the quality of being thankful for what is, some noteworthy aspects of gratitude are:

·         Gratitude is an affirmation of goodness
·         Gratitude recognizes that this goodness comes from outside of the self

Gratitude is profoundly positive emotion, it is a key component in positive psychology. Yet it is frequently discounted or overlooked as a tool for improving mood. Recent scientific studies have demonstrated a number of benefits that come as a direct result of cultivating and practicing gratitude.  Gratitude inspires us to take better care of our health and helps us cope with stress. Those who practice gratitude also have stronger relationships and immune systems, lower blood pressure, and more joy! Recognizing what we are thankful for is a fairly straightforward and simple practice which does not require any equipment or monthly fees, it’s silly not to practice gratitude!

How your life can grow with gratitude

Grateful people experience an increased sense of well-being and joy. Gratitude also increases optimism, empathy,  and self-esteem. Being appreciative can change the emotional landscape of your life in other ways too,  a 2014 study showed that when you thank new acquaintances, they feel more compelled to work for a continued relationship. When you take the time to thank colleagues for contributions, they feel a greater desire to work with you in the future. Gratitude can literally build and strengthen relationships. Gratitude also reduces tendencies toward aggression because grateful people are more sensitive to the feelings of others. Envy is a contributing factor in poor self-esteem and research demonstrates that feeling thankful for what you have reduces the tendency to make social comparisons and feel envious.

Healthy habits

You may have heard that it is not possible to feel gratitude and fear at the same time.  Research has proven that it is true, it is a fact of neurology that the states of fear and appreciation are mutually exclusive. By reducing toxic emotions like fear, frustration, and envy, studies have demonstrated that feelings of gratitude can increase happiness and reduce instances of depression. Additionally, people who practice gratitude report feeling healthier and take better care of themselves, exercising and visiting their primary care physician for regular checkups. resulting in better health overall.

Practicing gratitude

Now that we have demonstrated that cultivating gratitude has myriad benefits, let’s look at a few approaches that you can take to developing your own practice of gratitude.

Gratitude journal

The most popular gratitude practice is probably keeping a gratitude journal. According to a 2014 study, keeping  a gratitude journal results in better, longer sleep, and who can’t use a little more rest in this busy world? To develop this practice, it is recommended that you keep your journal in the same place and choose a time when you will write in it each day. As with any other habit or practice, consistency is key. By spending only 5 minutes each day writing a list of a few things you feel thankful for, you can improve your outlook and your life!

First thoughts/last thoughts

A great way to set the tone of your day is with gratitude. Upon waking, before you spring into action (or stumble to the coffee pot) think of a few things for which you are thankful. This will set a positive tone for the whole day. Alternately, you may choose to spend the last few minutes before you drift off to sleep thinking about the things you appreciate in your life. This will bring your day to a calm and happy close. Preparing you for a restful night of sleep.

Thank you notes

The lost art of the thank you note is something that is seldom remembered, but always appreciated. While those of us who are a little older were taught that taking the time to send a written thank you was vitally important, the practice has fallen out of fashion. If you send thanks to folks who have done something thoughtful for you, you will be amazed by the delight they express at being appreciated in such a concrete way.  This is a special gratitude practice because while you are writing the note, you are in gratitude mode, and then when you experience the appreciation the recipient feels at being appreciated, you will again be put in that state of mind!

These are only a few practices, you may think of ways to consider your own appreciation that works better for you. Developing an attitude of gratitude can literally transform your life. Being appreciative makes you feel better about yourself and more compassionate toward others. Choosing a simple daily practice of gratitude is free and has the potential to improve every part of your daily life. It’s a win-win!

Sincerely, 

Dr. Eileen Wynne

References:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/gratitude

http://www.webmd.com/women/features/gratitute-health-boost

http://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2014/11/23/7-scientifically-proven-benefits-of-gratitude-that-will-motivate-you-to-give-thanks-year-round/#4536792e6800

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/05/17/grateful-and-depressed-you-can-be-both/

Has a hookup left you feeling like an emotional zombie?

Students still long for more intimate
connections with others.

Match.com has cornered the market on creating happy marriages via the internet according to their commercials, and technology has certainly enabled people to connect with distant soul mates. However, the advent of social media, consisting of random bytes of information flung into the public sphere without thought to consequences, responsibility, or the emotional impact on others, has also led to more fragile relationships in many cases; students who rely heavily on virtual interactions to sustain them socially, often miss the more valuable aspects of real-world connections. 

Pair this detached approach to relationships with the all too common binge drinking of college age students, and you have a recipe for  risky hook ups. Even among young people, there are disputes about the meaning of the phrase hooking up. While the physical act can run the extremes from kissing to casual sex, negative psychological consequences remain constants. 

Hooking up, especially under a veil of alcohol or drugs, obscures responsibility, causes psychological harm, and devalues the importance of meaningful relationships. Where there is no expectation of future contact or commitment once the deed has been done, there can be no expectation of emotional investment or shared responsibility should unwanted repercussions - pregnancy or STD, for example - arise. For those college age students who engage in sex with casual acquaintances, relinquishing the intimate emotional bonds that come from a committed relationship means coping with unforeseen consequences alone. 

Psychological studies have repeatedly shown links between casual sex and psychological injury. While students may experience confidence and even pride during a casual sexual encounter, feelings of guilt, shame, and low self-esteem commonly creep into the psyche after the events. Though a momentary hookup may alleviate feelings of loneliness momentarily, participants in Kinsey researcher Justin Garcia’s study of casual sex among students reported increased feelings of loneliness after these fleeting interactions. Likewise, participants in the study who experienced no depression prior to a casual sexual encounter, elicited depressive symptoms after.

In her book The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy, author, lecturer, and professor Donna Freitas suggests that dating may be a thing of the past and that romance, in turn, may have breathed its last. So prevalent has casual sex become that the term "emotional zombies" has been coined to describe individuals who have never experienced authentic romantic relationship, moving instead through mindless, emotionless sexual encounters. Yet, consistently, during my therapy sessions, both males and females say they long for more relatedness.

We thrive on relationships as a species. From birth through death, our troubles are more tolerable, our fears more bearable, and our lives more pleasurable thanks to the comforting arms of our family and friends. Meaningful, authentic connections provide a safe haven for us, and committed romantic bonds can be a source of joy, excitement, and encouragement. To develop these relationships, though, we have to demonstrate respect for ourselves and for others. Don't settle for less. Make your relationships powerful, strong, and healing.

Dr. Eileen Wynne PhD

References:

Bersamin, M., Zamboanga, B. L., Schwartz, S. J., Donnellan, M. B., Hudson, M., Weisskirch, R. S., Kim, S. Y., Agocha, V. B., Whitbourne, S. K., & Caraway, S. J. (2014). One night stands may not be good for your mental health: Casual sex and psychological well-being and distress. Journal of Sex Research, 51, 43-51

Freitas, D. (2013). The End of Sex; How Hookup Culture is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy. Basic Books: New York.

Garcia, J. R., Reiber, C., Massey, S. G., & Merriwether, A. M. (2012). Sexual hookup culture: A review. Review Of General Psychology, 16(2), 161-176. doi:10.1037/a0027911

Alcohol and College Students: new consequences for old addictions

Four out of five students drink alcohol.

‘Drink! Drink! Drink!’ The refrain of a frat party on a modern campus? Certainly. But the same shouts rang out in the 20s and 30s when theater-going scholars embraced William Meyer-Fosters’s play Old Heidleberg, the story of a young German prince experiencing college’s trials and tribulations. When the play was adapted into a popular operetta called The Student Prince in 1954, young college students of the conservative post-World War II era could be heard singing the 'Drinking Song' with its rousing chorus of ‘Drink! Drink! Drink!’ in gatherings across college campuses. 

Some elements of student behavior are neither new nor unique. College students have always experimented with alcohol, and most likely they always will. In the past, one-on-one emotional relationships with others provided a moral compass and sounding board for students faced with such temptations. As I mentioned last week, however, technology and social media today have left many young people in the midst of a growing social chasm wherein their peers are more far flung and less genuinely connected than in the past. 

For those students who long for relationships outside of the virtual world, college is still filled with the same struggles as ever. Perhaps more than any other time in an individual's life, the need to belong, to fit in, to be a part of the crowd is pervasive in college. Even with all of our advances, negative peer pressure is still a powerful influence on students that can delay their growth into individuals confident enough to separate from the pack and begin their own, unique journeys in life. Even with all of our new addictions, alcohol still promises to grease the social wheels for students looking to fit into a peer group. One patient told me, "When I’m drunk I feel like I’m more fun to be with.” 

Alcohol has been around since the Stone Ages, and it’s a safe bet that since that time, young people have been pressuring one another to partake. Today, researchers state that four out of five students drink alcohol and roughly 50% of them binge drink. Not surprisingly then, wild house parties filled with students playing beer pong, taking shots of liquor, and posting drunken pictures on Facebook are not uncommon among college students today. 

In fact, peer norms, activities, and patterns correlate positively with binge drinking, making it a nearly universal aspect of college life. Unfortunately, while peer-induced binge drinking may be an old tradition, new technologies mean that the impact can be more far reaching. When future employers search for a recent graduate online, will they find images of the candidate passing out bowls of soup as part of a local outreach or simply passing out? 

The value of a real life peer group, a circle of friends who will support you and encourage you to make wise decisions, can not be overestimated, and while alcohol may win you friends for an evening, it does so at the cost of your health, your decision-making faculties, and your peace of mind. Attempting to unravel the events of a night of binge drinking should be lesson enough in the powers of alcohol to increase rather than reduce college stress.

Experimentation is a necessary and valuable component of college life. New freedoms have been granted us. New opportunities arise. We make mistakes and learn from them, discarding behaviors that don't enrich our lives. We learn to weigh life more consciously, to risk more wisely, and to take responsibility for our actions. Most importantly, we learn to respect ourselves and the lives and spirits of those around us.

Dr. Eileen Wynne PhD

Social media and loneliness in college

The emotional health of incoming college students has plummeted in recent years reaching its lowest level in a quarter of a century. Meanwhile, their stress levels have increased drastically due in part to greater financial strains and the foreknowledge of limited career options upon graduation. Technology, which on the one hand provides young people with wide open windows upon the world, has also narrowed students' real time social networks.

The world in which young adults find themselves is increasingly difficult to navigate, and these conditions are unlikely to reverse themselves unless we make concerted efforts to reach those students unable to cope with the emotional demands of college and adult life. 

While research suggests that in moderate doses social media can have a positive impact on youth, broadening students' network of peers, in large quantities, which is more and more the norm, social media can harm authentic social interactions. Time on Facebook can increase users' satisfaction, for instance, as well as increasing envy. According to research done by Julie Ross, director of Tufts’ Counseling and Mental Health Service, “Having a constant focus on what is happening somewhere else effectively removes people from staying connected in the face-to-face interactions they could be having, or are having at the moment, as those interactions get constantly interrupted by electronic signals from the phone or computer.”

In addition, the constant, mindless use of technology interferes with students' success in classes. It's not uncommon today for students to spend time during a lecture texting or browsing the internet. University of Virginia psychology professor Timothy Wilson has conducted a study that demonstrates the effects of unhealthy social media and technology use. The gist of his study is that young people deprived of their phones or computers for relatively short times start to become restless and anxious. Anyone, young or old, who has become attached to their smart phones can relate to this experience.

I've spoken with many young people who feel detached from their surroundings, who describe experiences devoid of interactive, emotional engagement, and who seem oblivious to their own social obligations. The trend towards transitory encounters has made building lasting relationships more challenging for young people, and more than ever, they express feelings of loneliness, confusion, and fear. 

If college life as you are experiencing it leaves you feeling miserable, isolated and afraid, begin to change the activities you engage in. Take frequent breaks from technology and social media and immerse yourself in college sports, cultural activities, and community events. Join clubs and study groups so that you can help others and yourself with your studies. Volunteer. Nourish your spiritual side. Learn to meditate and visualize goals. 

Dare to dream. 

The first steps toward expanding and enriching your life are the ones that take the greatest courage, but they can also provide the greatest rewards. It is amazing how often fulfilling relationships and life accomplishments follow those first positive choices. If you would like someone to help you take the first steps to construct or reconstruct the dreams you have for your life, contact me. A challenge is easier when it is shared. My life coaching services can help you reach your greatest potential. 

Dr. Eileen Wynne 

Come back next week, when we’ll examine the high school to college transition further, with particular focus on common socio-emotional issues and psycho-social development.