Has a hookup left you feeling like an emotional zombie?

Students still long for more intimate
connections with others.

Match.com has cornered the market on creating happy marriages via the internet according to their commercials, and technology has certainly enabled people to connect with distant soul mates. However, the advent of social media, consisting of random bytes of information flung into the public sphere without thought to consequences, responsibility, or the emotional impact on others, has also led to more fragile relationships in many cases; students who rely heavily on virtual interactions to sustain them socially, often miss the more valuable aspects of real-world connections. 

Pair this detached approach to relationships with the all too common binge drinking of college age students, and you have a recipe for  risky hook ups. Even among young people, there are disputes about the meaning of the phrase hooking up. While the physical act can run the extremes from kissing to casual sex, negative psychological consequences remain constants. 

Hooking up, especially under a veil of alcohol or drugs, obscures responsibility, causes psychological harm, and devalues the importance of meaningful relationships. Where there is no expectation of future contact or commitment once the deed has been done, there can be no expectation of emotional investment or shared responsibility should unwanted repercussions - pregnancy or STD, for example - arise. For those college age students who engage in sex with casual acquaintances, relinquishing the intimate emotional bonds that come from a committed relationship means coping with unforeseen consequences alone. 

Psychological studies have repeatedly shown links between casual sex and psychological injury. While students may experience confidence and even pride during a casual sexual encounter, feelings of guilt, shame, and low self-esteem commonly creep into the psyche after the events. Though a momentary hookup may alleviate feelings of loneliness momentarily, participants in Kinsey researcher Justin Garcia’s study of casual sex among students reported increased feelings of loneliness after these fleeting interactions. Likewise, participants in the study who experienced no depression prior to a casual sexual encounter, elicited depressive symptoms after.

In her book The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy, author, lecturer, and professor Donna Freitas suggests that dating may be a thing of the past and that romance, in turn, may have breathed its last. So prevalent has casual sex become that the term "emotional zombies" has been coined to describe individuals who have never experienced authentic romantic relationship, moving instead through mindless, emotionless sexual encounters. Yet, consistently, during my therapy sessions, both males and females say they long for more relatedness.

We thrive on relationships as a species. From birth through death, our troubles are more tolerable, our fears more bearable, and our lives more pleasurable thanks to the comforting arms of our family and friends. Meaningful, authentic connections provide a safe haven for us, and committed romantic bonds can be a source of joy, excitement, and encouragement. To develop these relationships, though, we have to demonstrate respect for ourselves and for others. Don't settle for less. Make your relationships powerful, strong, and healing.

Dr. Eileen Wynne PhD

References:

Bersamin, M., Zamboanga, B. L., Schwartz, S. J., Donnellan, M. B., Hudson, M., Weisskirch, R. S., Kim, S. Y., Agocha, V. B., Whitbourne, S. K., & Caraway, S. J. (2014). One night stands may not be good for your mental health: Casual sex and psychological well-being and distress. Journal of Sex Research, 51, 43-51

Freitas, D. (2013). The End of Sex; How Hookup Culture is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy. Basic Books: New York.

Garcia, J. R., Reiber, C., Massey, S. G., & Merriwether, A. M. (2012). Sexual hookup culture: A review. Review Of General Psychology, 16(2), 161-176. doi:10.1037/a0027911

Alcohol and College Students: new consequences for old addictions

Four out of five students drink alcohol.

‘Drink! Drink! Drink!’ The refrain of a frat party on a modern campus? Certainly. But the same shouts rang out in the 20s and 30s when theater-going scholars embraced William Meyer-Fosters’s play Old Heidleberg, the story of a young German prince experiencing college’s trials and tribulations. When the play was adapted into a popular operetta called The Student Prince in 1954, young college students of the conservative post-World War II era could be heard singing the 'Drinking Song' with its rousing chorus of ‘Drink! Drink! Drink!’ in gatherings across college campuses. 

Some elements of student behavior are neither new nor unique. College students have always experimented with alcohol, and most likely they always will. In the past, one-on-one emotional relationships with others provided a moral compass and sounding board for students faced with such temptations. As I mentioned last week, however, technology and social media today have left many young people in the midst of a growing social chasm wherein their peers are more far flung and less genuinely connected than in the past. 

For those students who long for relationships outside of the virtual world, college is still filled with the same struggles as ever. Perhaps more than any other time in an individual's life, the need to belong, to fit in, to be a part of the crowd is pervasive in college. Even with all of our advances, negative peer pressure is still a powerful influence on students that can delay their growth into individuals confident enough to separate from the pack and begin their own, unique journeys in life. Even with all of our new addictions, alcohol still promises to grease the social wheels for students looking to fit into a peer group. One patient told me, "When I’m drunk I feel like I’m more fun to be with.” 

Alcohol has been around since the Stone Ages, and it’s a safe bet that since that time, young people have been pressuring one another to partake. Today, researchers state that four out of five students drink alcohol and roughly 50% of them binge drink. Not surprisingly then, wild house parties filled with students playing beer pong, taking shots of liquor, and posting drunken pictures on Facebook are not uncommon among college students today. 

In fact, peer norms, activities, and patterns correlate positively with binge drinking, making it a nearly universal aspect of college life. Unfortunately, while peer-induced binge drinking may be an old tradition, new technologies mean that the impact can be more far reaching. When future employers search for a recent graduate online, will they find images of the candidate passing out bowls of soup as part of a local outreach or simply passing out? 

The value of a real life peer group, a circle of friends who will support you and encourage you to make wise decisions, can not be overestimated, and while alcohol may win you friends for an evening, it does so at the cost of your health, your decision-making faculties, and your peace of mind. Attempting to unravel the events of a night of binge drinking should be lesson enough in the powers of alcohol to increase rather than reduce college stress.

Experimentation is a necessary and valuable component of college life. New freedoms have been granted us. New opportunities arise. We make mistakes and learn from them, discarding behaviors that don't enrich our lives. We learn to weigh life more consciously, to risk more wisely, and to take responsibility for our actions. Most importantly, we learn to respect ourselves and the lives and spirits of those around us.

Dr. Eileen Wynne PhD