Soft Skills: Emotional intelligence and success

What is Emotional Intelligence?

In 1990, scientists John D. Mayer and Peter Salovey came up with the concept of emotional intelligence. The term described a form of social intelligence that included the ability to:

• Monitor one's emotions and those of others,
• discriminate between these emotions and feelings, and, 
• to use this understanding to guide one's behavior. 

Simply put, emotional intelligence is a person's ability to identify, understand, and monitor their emotions and those of the people around them. Emotional intelligence differs from cognitive intelligence, which is more intellectual and includes understanding information and solving problems. Emotional intelligence is interpersonal; it plays a big role in the development of one's people skills. 

Why is it important?

Emotional intelligence can be a critical determining factor in social functioning. In some ways, it is much more important than cognitive intelligence to overall success.  Understanding other people and how they feel can give you a strong advantage both professionally and personally. It is much easier to communicate to a person in a way that they understand, to motivate people, and to stimulate teamwork if you know where people are coming from.  There are some different ways that emotional intelligence is expressed. Below are a few excellent examples of emotional intelligence in action.  

Empathy

Sometimes called the cornerstone of emotional intelligence, empathy, and emotional intelligence go hand in hand. Empathy is a key behavior demonstrating emotional intelligence. Empathy can be understood as the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes and understand how it feels to experience the world from their point of view. It leads to better communication because when you understand how someone else feels, you can better explain things to them in a way that is meaningful and memorable. This understanding of others, in turn, increases trustworthiness.

Self-Awareness

As one moves into adult life, self-awareness becomes critical for high-level functioning. Self-awareness includes having a true understanding of one's emotional motivations, desires, and goals. Another part of Self-awareness is awareness of your strengths and weaknesses; this enables you to make academic and career choices that will benefit you by enabling you to build up skills you lack and fully develop those that come more easily to you. Self-awareness also includes your self-esteem and confidence. It is important to know where you feel confident and where your self-esteem could use a boost.  Self-Awareness ultimately leads to self-management, emotional regulation, and an appropriate overall understanding of the self about the greater world. 

Effective Teamwork 

Emotional intelligence is key to success in the workplace. Nearly all top performers have mastered emotional intelligence. This means that they understand their motivations, strengths, and goals AND that they also understand what motivates others. When team members feel understood and respected,  there will naturally be trust, and that leads to much more effective collaboration and teamwork. This aspect of emotional intelligence is important as we move through our careers. Understanding people and recognizing the subtle clues that emotional intelligence illuminates can make all the difference in the opportunities one os given. Additionally, if there are interpersonal challenges in the workplace, the empathy, and self-awareness that come as a result of emotional intelligence lead to more effective conflict management.

Developing emotional intelligence

As is evidenced above, emotional intelligence is an asset as one moves into more social, team, and career situations. Having a better understanding of other people can be useful throughout one's academic life and as one moves onto their career path. So how can you increase your emotional intelligence skills?

• One of the easiest ways to increase emotional intelligence is to be begin noticing nonverbal communication. Observe the people around you and start to note whether you can tell what their mood is based on how they stand or walk, their facial expressions, and their gestures. You will be amazed by how much you can tell just by watching people.
  
• Another way to improve your emotional intelligence is to pay attention to your responses to various situations. Rather than reacting, try to experience the feelings and emotions you have about certain events and then choose a proactive approach to dealing with situations that bring up strong emotions. Learning to observe your patterns in a non-reactive manner can help you become more self-aware and improve your self-management.
  
• A great way to boost your emotional intelligence is to learn techniques for managing your stress. When you are in control of your emotions, you are better equipped to pay attention to all the subtle social cues in your environment. You can also help the people around you manage their stress better when you approach things with a cool head. This can be challenging at first, but after you find some strategies that help you manage stress, you will be able to deal with well with any pressures that come along.
  
• Be honest and kind. A very powerful way to increase your trustworthiness is to be honest in a kind and constructive way. This does not mean to say whatever is on your mind; empathy will enable you to gauge how you can communicate in a manner that is forthright and also helpful. Learning to say things that are difficult is one of the fastest ways to gain trust and respect. It can be hard at first, but by practicing you can make this part of your approach to dealing with others. 
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Formerly on staff at the Tulane Student & Health Center of Psychiatry, helping emerging adults uncover the best path to success is my passion. I am a professional psychotherapist and I specialize in academic, success, and life coaching. I work primarily with college students and young professionals. I would love to put my expertise as a certified success coach to work for you.  

Sincerely, 

Dr. Eileen Wynne

Embarking on Your Journey: tips for college freshmen

Starting college is one of the most exciting times in a young adult's life. It is a time of unprecedented freedom and excitement.   It begins a new chapter of your life where you make your own choices and taking complete responsibility for yourself and your behavior. No one is there to remind you to eat and get enough sleep or wake up in time for class. You are in control. 

Freshman year can be amazing and full of wonderful new experiences. It can also feel lonely and overwhelming. The new pressures to manage your own space, deal with roommates, effectively manage time, get good grades, and take care of everything else that comes along, can take a toll. When not managed properly, these new pressures can lead to anxiety, stress, and even depression.  

Below I have outlined some of the big challenges facing new freshmen with coping tips for each. 

Unfamiliar People and Surroundings

In the first year of college, everything is new. You are at a new school, may have a new home, and people are unfamiliar. The structure of classes is new. The level of responsibility and lack of accountability can be disarming for freshmen who are used to teachers who know them and know when they have missed an assignment. There are all kinds of new things to adjust to. It can feel lonely and overwhelming when college begins. Homesickness is not uncommon. 

Coping Tips: It may seem counterintuitive, but getting involved in a study group or a team activity can be the best remedy for all the unfamiliarity. Since new students are all in it together, you will find that bonds are formed quickly and before you know it, you will have a home away from home. Having a weekly dinner with a roommate or classmate can also help give you something to look forward to and make you feel less alone. Finally, getting together with anyone you might know from home can keep you feeling connected to your roots as you get established in your new place. It may take a semester to get used to the format of college. Make sure to discuss your challenges with professors or visit an academic advisor if you are struggling. 

Unstructured Time

It can be tempting to stay up all night and sleep in late on the days you don't have any classes. Many freshmen sleep too much and overeat during the first year away. The wide open days can be difficult if you have not yet made friends and it may seem that sleeping and eating break up the monotony of studying and going to class. 

Coping Tips: Try to set a schedule for yourself. Getting to bed at relatively the same time each evening and getting up at a reasonable hour in the morning will help you feel less like you are lost in an endless stream of days. Make sure to set aside time to study. If you need to break up the day, head to the library or a cafe to study, or go out for a walk. Additionally, eating three regular meals a day instead of snacking and eating at random hours will help avoid the dreaded freshman weight gain which can cause added anxiety. 

Alcohol

Approximately 80% of college student drink. And though only about a quarter of students who drink regularly report academic issues and many students who drink in college do not develop addictions, drinking it is still a concern. Drinking can lead to reckless behavior and put young folks in dangerous situations.  

Coping Tips: If you are underage, you should avoid drinking. If you feel that you will be pressured to drink it may be safest to avoid parties and gatherings where there is drinking. If you decide to drink, make sure that you are with people you trust. Don't take alcoholic drinks from strangers and keep an eye out for friends at all times. Never drive or get into a car with someone who has been drinking. 

Relationships and Sex

The freedom of having their own space leads many people to get closer to significant others faster than they might have when they lived at their parents' homes.  Relationships can move too quickly causing one or both participants to feel hurt or awkward. The availability of alcohol can lead to unplanned sexual encounters which can have a big emotional impact.

Coping Tips:  Take it slow with relationships, there is no rush. If you are sexually active, take advantage of your university's health center and get information about practicing safe sex. Make sure to reach out to trusted friends and campus counseling services if you need support for the emotional issues that accompany your relationships.  

High Levels of Anxiety, Depression, and Stress 

Now more than any time in the past, university students are dealing with anxiety, stress, and depression. There are many theories about why young adults are struggling with more mental health issues now than in years past. It is difficult to pinpoint, but many of the factors noted above can contribute to these challenges. 

Coping Tips: There are a number of things that you can do to help with stress and anxiety: get adequate sleep, eat well-balanced meals,  avoid junk food and alcohol, and get regular exercise, for starters. You can also practice relaxation techniques like yoga and meditation. If your emotions are still too much to manage, remember, many campuses have mental health clinics.  Additionally, there are often peer support groups you can join if you are struggling with stress and anxiety.  If you think you may be depressed or if you feel hopeless or suicidal, it is very important that you let your family know and see a professional as soon as possible. 

For many young people, college is the first taste of adulthood. It is not uncommon to experience the freshman blues. A bit of self-care and practical coping strategies can make this transition much easier. 

Are you a university student looking for academic support or help figuring out what direction to head in? 

I can help!

Formerly on staff at the Tulane Student & Health Center of Psychiatry, helping emerging adults uncover the best path to success is my passion. I am a professional psychotherapist and I specialize in academic and life coaching. I work primarily with college students and young professionals. I would love to put my expertise as a certified success coach to work for you.  

Sincerely, 

Dr. Eileen Wynne

Finding your brightest future!

Recently a friend asked me what it actually meant be a certified success coach. I figured that if one person was wondering, there were probably several others who also wanted to know. To that end, this month I am dedicating my post to explaining what a certified life and success coach does, and why working with one can be beneficial. 

First of all, though I am a therapist, coaching is not the same thing as therapy. Coaching helps you improve your life, by helping you identify what you want and come up with a plan for getting it.  

You are the expert on your life, but sometimes, having someone who is invested in seeing that you meet your fullest potential can be invaluable. Friends and family are absolutely invested in your life, but have their own agendas, and cannot always support you when and where you need a boost. Partners cannot always see your needs apart from their own. In short, everyone in your life is trying to figure out the same things that you are trying to figure out, and while talking with your partner, family, and friends is important, they cannot always give you the clarity and focus that an unbiased, dedicated coach can give.  When you engage a life coach, you are embarking on a one-on-one relationship with someone who can help you navigate your life for maximum success. A success coach is an advisor, a cheerleader, and at times, a guide, not unlike an athletic coach. Having this type of dedicated resource can help you untangle the most confusing matters and put the most daunting plans into action by providing you with the motivation and accountability necessary to move forward in the toughest of situations. 

You know where you want to go and the job of a success coach is to help develop a roadmap for meeting your targets, keeping you on track along the way so that you can reach your destination and set a course for the next phase of the journey.  Throughout your journey, challenges my come up: losses,  interpersonal conflicts, relationship concerns, and issues of identity and self-esteem. A coach can help you navigate these scenarios and learn the lessons that they have to offer you.  In typical coaching sessions, we discuss goals and aspirations and then develop practical, strategic plans for the achievement of those goals. We also work through the issues that arise so that feelings of self-confidence and self-efficacy are maximized.  

Each challenge is an opportunity to gain greater mastery!

Goal setting is one of the fastest ways to unlock confidence and realize self-efficacy.  What is self-efficacy? In a nutshell, it is the feeling that you can accomplish the goals you set out to achieve, it is the confidence that comes from the experience of achievement.  It is natural to fear some challenges, but healthy self-esteem and a sense of self-efficacy work together to enable you to overcome fears and make important strides toward a fulfilling future. Setting goals and then attaining them gradually builds up your belief that you can do the things you set your mind to. 

Defining success

Not everyone has the same definition of success. Let’s face it, we are all very different and have unique desires, values, and capabilities. Part of being successful is knowing what matters to you, as well as what does not. One of the biggest psychological problems that has developed with the rise of social media has been the accompanying social comparisons that degrade people’s self-esteem. Looking at someone else’s life can be a fun pastime, but comparing yourself to another can be stressful and can seriously damage self-esteem. One way to combat this tendency  and to set yourself on a path to your own success  is to develop a true vision for what success means  to you. A success coach can help you get to the heart of what your own success looks and feels like, making it much easier to identify the opportunities that will help you realize a truly happy life.  Your ideal life is just that, yours. Working with a dedicated coach can help you identify what matters most to you and avoid people and positions that are not aligned with your desires and values. 

Finding your life’s purpose

As you move through your education and career, there will be lots of opportunities to develop new skills and take professional and personal risks. A coach can help you choose the options that are most appropriate for you. As academic and professional careers advance, there will be failures and successes. A coach can help you look more objectively at life's events and see where you can do better and where important lessons have been given. Making mistakes can be painful, but failures also hold the seeds of wisdom. When you fail, you often get closer to success. The key is to step back and see what you can learn from mistakes.  Your coach can help you grow in your career and in your life. 

To me, therapy is kind of like a jigsaw puzzle, gradually, pieces come  together and there are a-ha moments along the way as my clients learn about themselves. I love being able to help facilitate that awareness. 

Are you a university student or young professional struggling to find the right direction? Are you looking for career support?

I work primarily with college students and young professionals and would love to put my expertise as a certified success coach to work for you.  Helping emerging adults uncover the best path to success is my passion. I am also available for insight-oriented, supportive therapy. 

Sincerely, 

Dr. Eileen Wynne