Get Connected: Real-World Relationships in the Digital Age

For all of the convenience of the modern world, from GPS systems to smartphones, interpersonal relationships seem to be getting more difficult to negotiate in the digital age. It may seem counter intuitive that in a time where we are more connected to those in our social networks more often than at any other point in history, so many people feel lonely and detached from one another.   

In this post, I will look at some of the factors causing people to feel a sense of depression and disconnectedness in this hyper-connected culture, as well as some simple ways to mitigate the issues that arise as a result of the overwhelming technology-focus in modern relationships.

The Link Between Social Media and Depressed Mood

This is a topic that comes up often. Several factors may contribute to the negative emotional consequences and even depression that correspond with social media use.  An obvious cause of depressed mood resulting from social media use is bullying or other negative online experiences. It is estimated that about 50% of adolescents have been bullied online and about 80% report having had negative experiences.  Research conducted by the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine found a correlation between time spent using social media and depression. Another well-researched cause of negative mood is the tendency of people to compare their lives to the highly curated lives of friends and acquaintances. The resulting jealousy and sense of inadequacy can cause a great deal of suffering. This can translate into bitterness and emotional aggression towards people in real life resulting from online interactions. 

The Communication Gap with Texting and Instant Messaging

Ever found that what you were trying to text to someone was completely lost in translation? If you are like me, you have had conversations in which both parties later pulled out phones and compared in an attempt to clarify some mistyped or poorly punctuated statement that caused a disagreement or mishap of some kind.  Texting can be a wonderful way of quickly communicating, but it can also be problematic when you attempt to translate more complex communication with its limited functionality.   

Virtual Spaces

Social media makes us feel as if we are participants in the lives of loved ones and old friends as we watch their children's birthday parties and vicariously enjoy images of weddings and new homes, but this digital participation lacks the emotional impact of non-virtual interaction. In a real-life friendship, there are conversations and disagreements. It is through that type of dialog that young people are socialized and adults maintain critical skills like emotional intelligence and empathy. It is through real-world interactions that our society stays intact as people learn to navigate challenge and conflict and come to a consensus with others. While it is wonderful to stay aware of the lives of those we love through social media, without true contact, we are merely consumers of their life experiences.

Other concerning issues have arisen as a result of the heavy of social media use currently being observed in culture, such as the inability of many digital natives (generations raised with access to digital technology) to interact in a non-digital environment. In addition, there has been a lot of research on the way screen time, the predominance of structured (adult-supervised activities over child-driven activities), and digital communication are degrading conflict resolution skills in emerging generations.

Friendship in the real world.

After all the talk about the negative impacts of modern technology and social media, you may be wondering about positive use. It is important to remember that these communication platforms exist because they give us the ability to quickly and easily share a memory with a former college roommate that we have not seen in awhile, or reach out to family members across the country while planning a reunion. These platforms did not rise to unprecedented levels of popularity they now boast by being the cause of depression and negativity. We use social media to stay connected. It can be an asset to our lives if used properly.

How can you have more genuine friendships while still enjoying the convenience of digital life? Social media platforms, like smartphones and televisions, are a communication tool. There is nothing inherently wrong with using social media. Still, it's important to remember that communication is best when it goes both ways. To make social an ally to your relationships, rather than a hindrance, I have a few suggestions:

Think about what you really want to get out of your social media use

Lots of people get on social media to kill time but never really take the time to think about why they chose to spend part of each day using it. I suggest taking a little time to think about the ways social benefits you and the ways it may be detrimental and create an action plan for yourself. If you waste time using Pinterest on your phone while you should be doing something productive, consider removing the app and using only when you are sitting at your computer. If looking at celebrity gossip makes you feel bad, make a deal with yourself to stop clicking. Be aware of the pleasures and pitfalls and let that awareness govern your choices.  

Have conversations with people rather than just existing as an observer

This is key to positive social media use. When you are feeling a little too much like an online stalker or voyeur – take the time to instant message an old friend or send that thank you email to your aunt.  It is vitally important to have healthy real-world relationships with people you love and trust. These form the basis for your understanding the world and are the primary areas in which you practice conflict resolution and connectedness. Interacting online with people you have consistent non-virtual contact with can be a great deal of fun!

Set limits

Limit the amount of time you spend on social media each day. Set limits on the number of social media platforms you participate on (research has shown that the more social networks people are involved in, the bluer they feel). Set limits on who you interact with (if someone habitually makes you angry, stop looking). This may sound a bit extreme, but restrictions can be really healthy when it comes to social media use. I have clients who have chosen to remove all social apps from their phones or look exclusively at content that improves their lives. This type of thoughtful consumption can go a long way toward making social a positive factor in your life.

New technology definitely impacts the way we relate to one another in this day and age. Being more aware of the way digital interactions make you feel can help you have healthier relationships, online and off.

Struggling to find balance and navigate relationships in the digital world? I am available to help! Formerly on staff at the Tulane Student & Health Center of Psychiatry, helping emerging adults uncover the best path to success is my passion, I am a professional psychotherapist and I specialize in academic, success, and life coaching. I work primarily with college students and young professionals. I would love to put my expertise as a certified success coach to work for you.

Sincerely, 

Dr. Eileen Wynne

Let's connect!

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Dial Direct: How to respond to passive-aggression in daily life

You’ve all heard the phrase passive-aggressive and chances are that you have also experienced the behavior in your daily lives. But do you really know what passive-aggressive means and why people exhibit this behavior? When you experience passive-aggression, do you know the best way to neutralize it?

What does passive-aggressive mean?

The term passive-aggressive refers to the unhealthy way in which some people respond to minor issues or conflicts indirectly rather than head-on. This non-assertive expression of negative feelings such as frustration or anger often appears as subtle, emotional retaliation rather than direct communication.

What does passive-aggression look like?

Passive-aggressive behavior can run the gamut from passively unhelpful to downright rude. Some examples of its many manifestations are:

·         Saying yes, but then not following through with a task

·         Procrastination or putting things off until it is too late

·         Responding in a calm, but resentful way

·         Reluctance to accept the suggestions of others

·         Blaming others for something one’s own negligence caused

·         Doing something poorly

·         Sullen behavior

·         Deliberately ineffective or inefficient behavior

·         Withdrawing from communication  

·         “I’ll show them” or “I’ll get them back” attitude

Why do people behave this way?

The failure (or inability) to voice one’s true feelings that is inherent in passive-aggressive behavior is often the result of general communication and self-esteem issues. These may originate in the person’s family, a marriage where there is an imbalance of power, or some other relationship in which the person felt or feels they are at a power disadvantage.  This behavior is widespread, with both women and men exhibiting it, but why? One reason we see a lot of this behavior is that being angry out out-right hostile can quickly make one unpopular, even though it is perfectly normal to be angry at times. A core belief that keeps this behavior alive is the sense of being a victim. Passive-aggressive people don't feel like they are in control and thus attempt to gain control over situations with manipulative behaviors instead of direct communication or confrontation.  It is a form of learned helplessness that is camouflaged as quiet, covert hostility.

People who are too passive or shy to express their true emotions and opinions may get frustrated and use this dysfunctional technique to retaliate or express irritation in a socially acceptable manner.  For some, expressing anger covertly, through poor work, sullen behavior, or procrastination feels safer than direct communication.   Passive-aggressive behavior is one way that a person who has trouble being assertive reacts to being asked to do something they don’t want to do. When they feel unfairly treated, burdened, or inconvenienced they respond with passive-aggression because taking a stand might bring conflict that they would rather avoid. It is a way of getting back at the person who made the request in a convenient, comfortable way. This may be out of fear of conflict, but it can also be the way they were raised. To a passive-aggressive person, this response feels morecomfortable than assertiveness.    

The main problem with passive-aggressive behavior is that it does not usually lead to resolution of the issue causing annoyance. Instead, the negative feelings build in the passive-aggressive person and those on thereceiving end. This can make it difficult to solve problems because the passive-aggressive party seldom expresses their true feelings about a situation. Assertiveness must be learned and if passive-aggression was the coping mechanism modeled for an individual, they may not even know that it is unhealthy.  As one continues to use this technique, they grow more and more irritated and resentful. 

How can you neutralize passive-aggressive action?

There are several techniques for effectively shutting down passive-aggressive behavior. Here we will look at 5 that are particularly effective. 

1.    Take note: Learning to identify and name passive-aggressive behavior when it arises is challenging but invaluable to ending it.

2.    Refuse to engage: Do not respond to the person behaving passive-aggressively with frustration and do not respond in kind. Instead, be calm and ask them directly what is bothering them.

3.    Reflect back: Feel free to call them out on their behavior and let them know that if there is an issue, you would love to discuss it directly.

4.    Be cool: Don’t get angry, emotional, or frustrated – demonstrate for the passive-aggressive person how to assertively deal with an issue.

5.    Be frank: Explain that passive-aggressive behavior does not work, but don’t expect the person to change quickly. It often takes many conversations and confrontations before a passive aggressive person starts to recognize their unhealthy behavior.

If someone in your life responds to you in a passive aggressive way, remember that they may not even be aware that their behavior is unhealthy. Try to let them know that they are not communication effectively and gently prod them to tell you what is bothering them. They may be emotional when confronted, so make sure you keep your own emotions in check. It is unlikely that the person’s behavior will change the first time you point it out, but over time, you may see a more assertive response from them.

Formerly on staff at the Tulane Student & Health Center of Psychiatry, helping emerging adults uncover the best path to success is my passion. I am a professional psychotherapist and I specialize in academic, success, and life coaching. I work primarily with college students and young professionals. I would love to put my expertise as a certified success coach to work for you.  

Sincerely, 

Dr. Eileen Wynne

In a Funk: Why Depression Awareness Month Matters

October is Depression Awareness Month and as the month draws to a close, I think it is important to review the key indicators of depression. This is a great opportunity to help move toward greater understanding and improve education about depression, its symptoms, prevalence, and some of the courses of treatment available. 

The idea behind designating a Depression Awareness Month is to inform people about this common mood disorder and guide those suffering to the resources necessary to improve their lives. In addition, it can benefit family members to have additional information available to help them understand what loved ones are going through. These annual observances also promote the larger goal of ending stigma for mental health issues.

What Depression Looks and Feels Like

Depression can rob students of the motivation, energy, and inclination they need to achieve academic goals. It can make one feel too worn out to handle the ordinary responsibilities of daily life. It can be hard for family members to understand why someone who is depressed won't just snap out of it or cheer up.  It can even be difficult for one suffering from depression to understand why simple tasks like completing a homework assignment or taking out the trash become Herculean when one is depressed. A diagnosis can help everyone involved come to terms with what its happening and behave with greater empathy. Some of the symptoms, or diagnostic criteria, for depression include:

• Depressed mood
• Loss of interest in once-pleasurable activities
• Inability to focus, concentrate or make decisions
• Changes in sleep: both fatigue and insomnia can be indicators of depression
• Feelings of hopelessness and persistent pessimism
• Feelings of guilt & worthlessness
• Changes in eating: overeating or loss of appetite (noticeable weight loss/gain)
•  Suicidal thoughts
• Restlessness and irritability

Depression and Anxiety are different disorders, however, many people with depression experience symptoms of anxiety disorders. 

While only a licensed expert can diagnose depression, experiencing several of these symptoms at once is cause to consider a consultation with a professional.  Additionally, several reputable organizations provide free online depression screening tools that can give you an idea of whether or not you should seek professional help. 

Anxiety and Depression Association of America

Mental Health America

Psychology Today

The Numbers

About 30% of college students report having depression and as the stigma surrounding mental health conditions decreases, more and more students are seeking help, rather than suffering in silence.  At it's worst, depression can lead to suicide and according to the National Institute of Mental Health, Major Depression is one of the most common mental disorders in the U.S. (with an estimated 300 million globally suffering). The World Health Organization states that nearly 800,000 people die by suicide annually. Around the world, depression is the most common cause of disability. Women are more likely than men to suffer from depression. 

Stigma-Busting

Anti-stigma campaigns across the country have helped to create a climate where discussing mental health is no longer taboo. As a result, more people than ever be for e are seeking services and treatment. Unfortunately, the prevalence of depression seems to be increasing as well. This increase is seen most dramatically in university students who seem to be disproportionally struggling with mental health issues. 

Treating depression

Treatment for depression can consist of therapy, medication, or both. It can take time to find the most effective treatment for each individual and sometimes medication (antidepressants) can pose its own challenges. Psychotherapy and cognitive behavioral therapy are both commonly employed to treat depression. 

There are also strategies that individuals can use to help cope with depression. Seemingly simple things like getting regular exercise, eating well, sleeping enough can improve mood and wellness significantly. There is no substitute for the care of a professional, but as part of an overall care routine, they can really support therapy.

If you think you may be depressed

Depression is the world's leading cause of disability, according to world health experts and it is believed that 800,000 people commit suicide annually. If you or a loved one is feeling distressed, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. The crisis center provides free and confidential emotional support. If you are in crisis and need help, call this toll-free number, available 24 hours a day, every day: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). This service available to anyone. You may call for yourself or for someone you care about, and all calls are confidential. You can also visit the Lifeline’s website at http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

If you are feeling anxious or depressed, I am available to help develop coping strategies that will put you on the path to feeling better. I work primarily with college students and young adults. Talking about your issues and developing an action plan can help you to deal with stress and anxiety in a healthier way. 

FALL UPDATE: Mental Health on Campus

Our Friends and Neighbors 

A recent report in the U.K. revealed that not only are universities unable to cope with the increasing numbers of students suffering from mental health conditions but also that students are killing themselves at an alarming (and increasing) rate.  Another report from UniHealth stated that 82% of university students in the UK experience anxiety and stress and 1 in 5 have suicidal thoughts. In Canada, the situation is much the same. Recent results of the National College Health Assessment Survey (NCHA) demonstrate high rates of mental health issues in students. Thinktank Institute for Public Policy Research (IPPR) released a report showing that a record high 26% of students are utilizing counseling or mental health services, yet this still isn't meeting the need. 

I chose to revisit this topic because these recent reports about college campuses in other countries are a reminder that across the United States, universities are facing a similar student mental health crisis. 85% of college student feel overwhelmed by their responsibilities and 30% report that stress negatively impacts academic performance. Things look even worst at the Post Grad level, Ph.D. Students have twice the risk of developing a psychiatric disorder. This issue needs our continued attention. 

Identifying the Stressors 

As I've noted in previous posts, the number of students reporting mental health concerns in the first year of college has grown dramatically over the last several years and continues to increase.  Academic and financial pressures are crippling students and leading them to unprecedented rates of stress and anxiety. Many students say that the pressure to participate in activities and/or sports while also excelling academically can put them over the edge. In addition, young adults can be unprepared for the stresses of living away from families for the first time while managing school responsibilities and often jobs as well.  

Universities are Taking Aim 

Universities across the country are working to improve behavioral health services for students. UCLA has just launched a large-scale study of college freshman, called the Depression Grand Challenge,  aimed at uncovering the causes of depression. As part of the initiative, the participating freshmen will receive depression screening to help uncover and treat mental health concerns early.  Stanford is similarly screening incoming students for mental health problems with the aim of early diagnosis and treatment of issues.  The University of Pennsylvania reconvened a Student Psychological Health and Welfare task force after a 2016 student suicide, the 14th since 2013. This group recommended expansion of I CARE training, and increasing the hours of their Counseling and Psychological Services hours, among other improvements.  

There is Help

With all of the news from across the country, the United Kingdom, and Canada, it may seem like there is no good way to approach the issue. Below are several different options for students suffering from anxiety, depression, addiction, or other mental health issues.  

• Hotlines
  Some universities have hotlines for students, but there are also national hotlines. 
• Peer support groups & local support groups
  Many universities have set up local peer groups that give students a stigma-free environment to discuss issues.  
• University health & wellness centers
  Many universities now provide counseling services.
• Therapy with licensed counselors, therapists, etc.Finding a local therapist can be a great weekly anchor, enabling students to discuss issues and plan interventions. 
• Online screening  tools
  (While these will not help you manage all the symptoms, they can help you to see if you have symptoms of depression)

Depression is the world's leading cause of disability, according to world health experts and it is believed that 800,000 people commit suicide annually. If you or a loved one is feeling distressed, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. The crisis center provides free and confidential emotional support. If you are in crisis and need help, call this toll-free number, available 24 hours a day, every day: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). This service available to anyone. You may call for yourself or for someone you care about, and all calls are confidential. You can also visit the Lifeline’s website at http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

If you are feeling anxious or depressed, I am available to help develop coping strategies that will put you on the path to feeling better. I work primarily with college students and young adults. Talking about your issues and developing an action plan can help you to deal with stress and anxiety in a healthier way. 

References

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/robertwhitley/this-year-lets-ensure-students-mental-health-isnt-their-top-worry_a_23192386/https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/college-studentshttp://www.independent.co.uk/student/student-life/health/suicides-rates-double-uk-university-students-134-2015-depression-anxiety-services-overwhelmed-a7925631.html
https://www.theguardian.com/education/2017/sep/02/suicide-record-level-students-uk-universities-study
http://www.mercurynews.com/2017/09/22/depression-major-study-of-college-freshman-kicks-off-at-ucla/
http://www.impactnottingham.com/2017/09/mental-health-concerns-universities/
http://www.thedp.com/article/2017/09/penn-reconvened-its-mental-health-task-force-a-year-ago-heres-what-it-concluded
https://adaa.org/finding-help/helping-others/college-students/facts

How Peer Support Can Increase Student Mental Health

A number of great interventions for improving student mental health have been gaining recognition lately.  Among them, increased mental health services in schools and universities, links to off-campus therapists, anti-stigma campaigns, and numerous efforts at raising awareness of mental health issues.

One helpful strategy for improving mental health that has not gotten as much attention as it deserves is peer support. A number of peer support programs are popping up across the country and throughout the U.K. and Canada, with the aim of filling some of the gaps in mental health support for university students. Particularly on campus where counseling staff and other providers struggle to keep up with the ever-increasing demand for mental health services, peer support is another tool to help students cope with stress and anxiety.

State of Emergency

About 13% of young people suffer from mental health issues ranging from anxiety and depression to ADHD and other disorders that can impact them well into adulthood. While some stress is normal, youth ages 15-19 experience the highest rates of emerging depression of any age group. These issues are often exacerbated by the move from high school to college. Recent research has uncovered the fact that 6% of undergrads and 4% of grad students consider suicide while attending university.

How Peer Support Can Help

In the mental health world, peer support programs allow individuals who have already experienced a high level of recovery, to assist others who are not as far along on their journey. Peer supporters use their experiences and successes to help others navigate mild mental health issues. The idea behind peer support in universities is similar. Connecting with peer supporters or mentors can help students feel less alone. It is natural for young people to reach out to friends when they are struggling, but if one has just moved to a new city to attend college, it can be easy to feel swept up in a sea of new faces. Peer support can ground new students and give them a sense of familiarity, someone to ask when they have questions, or even just someone to vent to when they feel overwhelmed. Those who have received support can later return the favor by helping other students. This creates a support network that can benefit everyone involved.  

Peer support can be particularly helpful in the case of first generation college students whose parents are not as adept at offering support as they move through the maze of financial aid paperwork, online course registration, dorm room selection, and maneuvering around campus (or even a new town). Is such cases, peer support can make all the difference. Having the ear and support of someone who has experience with university life and who also understands the stress factors unique to a college student can be reassuring and beneficial.

Making Mental Wellness a Priority

Demand for mental health services is at an all-time high. The evidence is clear: we are experiencing a mental health crisis. The more resources young people have available to them, the better their chances of overcoming anxiety and depression. While peer support cannot replace the help of an experienced mental health professional, it can help ease the stress of transition and provide an extra level of support for individuals struggling with anxiety. Reaching out to others is an important step toward greater wellness.

Sincerely,

Eileen Wynne PhD

References:
http://www.ibtimes.com/how-help-college-students-experiencing-mental-distress-including-suicidal-thoughts-2577859
http://www.thepublicopinion.com/neighbors/spotting-mental-health-issues-in-college-students/article_fb609538-7ea5-11e7-ad32-4fe92fbee05b.html

Millennials and the Potential for Self-Actualization

The idea that reaching one's fullest potential is something worth striving for doesn't get enough attention in our hyper-distracted modern landscape. Many of us are preoccupied with shorter-term, more easily gratified pursuits, but the long game of personal grown is definitely one worth striving for. Millennials, though beset by the economy and the drastic changes in society over the last decades, may be the generation best positioned to successfully undertake this lofty goal and in fact, may be doing so by taking a short-cut. Let me explain why I say this, and what I see as the biggest challenge to their face to self-mastery and how I think they are working around it. 

Millennial Values

My experience with Millennials and all the literature I've read seem to say the same thing; as a group, these young folks are remarkably optimistic and aspirational. The Pew Research Center describes millennials as "confident, self-expressive, liberal, upbeat and open to change." They have a strong sense of justice and are more concerned with the way the work they do makes them feel and the impact it has in the world than they are with working solely to gain material wealth and trappings. They are extremely agile — they have not come up in an environment where things have been stable and therefore, are comfortable with change in a way that even Gen Xers are not.  Many of the traditional career paths that previous generations counted on are are not available to this generation, which has made them creative and resourceful. In short, Millennials are resilient. 

The Path to Self-Actualization

Abraham Maslow was arguably one of the most important psychologists of the 20th century. He is most famous for developing the hierarchy of needs, which is essentially an overview of typical human development. This hierarchy can be visualized as a pyramid. At the base are the most basic physiological needs which include the need for nourishment (food and water), sleep, and warmth. These needs are foundational and are the strongest because if they aren't met an individual will not survive.  Next, comes another fairly basic the need: safety. Safety and security go hand-in-hand and meeting this need can consist of having a home and income, as well as freedom from potential dangers such as crime and political unrest.  After safety comes the more complex social needs of love and belonging, primarily from relationships with family, friends and intimate partners.

The need for esteem is a higher-level psychological need that articulates the human hope of being respected and recognized for accomplishments. The need for esteem includes the desire to feel satisfied with one's self and valued by others. This need is often met in the workplace, or in a team situation and if it is not met, according to the hierarchy of needs, the final need can't be met. The final and most complex is the need for self-actualization. This is a self-fulfillment need that encompasses all the activities, intellectual and creative, that are required for an individual to achieve their full potential. 

What characterizes a self-actualized individual? They accept others and also themselves, they have high emotional intelligence, and feel comfortable with change and uncertainty.  People who have attained self-actualization are independent and autonomous. They feel comfortable alone, particularly because gratification comes from within rather than from external sources. These people experience present moment awareness and are therefore objective about personal achievement and misfortune. Most importantly, they have a growth mindset and are willing to try new things that will enable personal growth, even when these things are difficult or uncomfortable. 

Roadblocks to Self-Mastery

One problem that many millennials face is the difficulty in achieving the highest level needs in Maslow's pyramid. According to the pyramid, esteem must be achieved ahead of self-actualization, and with the absence of linear careers, that enable easily discernible growth through promotions, raises, etc.,  it is more difficult to move through this level in a clear manner. Although they are highly educated, when school is finished many fail to find a next step to allow for the kind of career progress that previous generations enjoyed. In fact, they face the higher rates of unemployment than any workforce in three decades. 

Additionally, many millennials are making choices that seem radical to older generations, not marrying, choosing to be childless, deciding not to own properly or vehicles. In many cases, their global and urban lifestyles make those things feel like hindrances rather than values. Recent research by the Brookings Institution showed that over 87% of millennials disagree with the statement that “money is the best measure of success” and most would prefer to work for a company they feel is ethical or allows them to do work they find meaningful than make a lot of money. With a focus on being rather than on achieving, many millennials seem stuck in the lower rungs of Maslow's pyramid with no way of moving into higher levels. This generation is also much more oriented towards belonging and being aligned with the values of peers than being competitive, they are more cooperative than competitive. They require recognition, which can be evidenced by recent Pew Research Center statistics that one in five of them have posted a YouTube video of themselves while three-quarters have social profiles. Social media helps fill a need for belonging. In short, millennials are blocked in many ways from achieving esteem through typical channels, while simultaneously finding great value in belonging. They seem to be caught up in some of the lower rung values with no clear path to achieving the highest level needs. 

A Shift in Thinking 

In the traditional pattern followed by Maslow's hierarchy, fulfillment of needs comes in a  specific order. Is it possible that for twenty-somethings, aspects of belonging, esteem, and self-actualization happen simultaneously? When I look at the characteristics of a self-actualized person, such as present moment awareness, the willingness to try new things, and comfort with uncertainty, I see consistency with the key values and behaviors of this generation. In some ways, the circumstances in which this group has come of age may have caused them to skip a step and achieve some of the characteristics of self-actualization while still at the belonging or esteem levels of development. They have completely different values than previous generations, and maybe that's a good thing. Perhaps the advanced development in some areas accompanied by the setbacks in others has given them a unique perspective that time will teach us to respect and appreciate. 

The largest generation in Western history may just transform the way we understand everything by creating a system that is more value based than transactional, and remind us that rules were made to be re-imagined. They may teach us that experiences really are better than things and that systems we thought were solid, still need adjustment. It's too early to say, but this generation certainly does keep me on my toes!

Soft Skills: Emotional intelligence and success

What is Emotional Intelligence?

In 1990, scientists John D. Mayer and Peter Salovey came up with the concept of emotional intelligence. The term described a form of social intelligence that included the ability to:

• Monitor one's emotions and those of others,
• discriminate between these emotions and feelings, and, 
• to use this understanding to guide one's behavior. 

Simply put, emotional intelligence is a person's ability to identify, understand, and monitor their emotions and those of the people around them. Emotional intelligence differs from cognitive intelligence, which is more intellectual and includes understanding information and solving problems. Emotional intelligence is interpersonal; it plays a big role in the development of one's people skills. 

Why is it important?

Emotional intelligence can be a critical determining factor in social functioning. In some ways, it is much more important than cognitive intelligence to overall success.  Understanding other people and how they feel can give you a strong advantage both professionally and personally. It is much easier to communicate to a person in a way that they understand, to motivate people, and to stimulate teamwork if you know where people are coming from.  There are some different ways that emotional intelligence is expressed. Below are a few excellent examples of emotional intelligence in action.  

Empathy

Sometimes called the cornerstone of emotional intelligence, empathy, and emotional intelligence go hand in hand. Empathy is a key behavior demonstrating emotional intelligence. Empathy can be understood as the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes and understand how it feels to experience the world from their point of view. It leads to better communication because when you understand how someone else feels, you can better explain things to them in a way that is meaningful and memorable. This understanding of others, in turn, increases trustworthiness.

Self-Awareness

As one moves into adult life, self-awareness becomes critical for high-level functioning. Self-awareness includes having a true understanding of one's emotional motivations, desires, and goals. Another part of Self-awareness is awareness of your strengths and weaknesses; this enables you to make academic and career choices that will benefit you by enabling you to build up skills you lack and fully develop those that come more easily to you. Self-awareness also includes your self-esteem and confidence. It is important to know where you feel confident and where your self-esteem could use a boost.  Self-Awareness ultimately leads to self-management, emotional regulation, and an appropriate overall understanding of the self about the greater world. 

Effective Teamwork 

Emotional intelligence is key to success in the workplace. Nearly all top performers have mastered emotional intelligence. This means that they understand their motivations, strengths, and goals AND that they also understand what motivates others. When team members feel understood and respected,  there will naturally be trust, and that leads to much more effective collaboration and teamwork. This aspect of emotional intelligence is important as we move through our careers. Understanding people and recognizing the subtle clues that emotional intelligence illuminates can make all the difference in the opportunities one os given. Additionally, if there are interpersonal challenges in the workplace, the empathy, and self-awareness that come as a result of emotional intelligence lead to more effective conflict management.

Developing emotional intelligence

As is evidenced above, emotional intelligence is an asset as one moves into more social, team, and career situations. Having a better understanding of other people can be useful throughout one's academic life and as one moves onto their career path. So how can you increase your emotional intelligence skills?

• One of the easiest ways to increase emotional intelligence is to be begin noticing nonverbal communication. Observe the people around you and start to note whether you can tell what their mood is based on how they stand or walk, their facial expressions, and their gestures. You will be amazed by how much you can tell just by watching people.
  
• Another way to improve your emotional intelligence is to pay attention to your responses to various situations. Rather than reacting, try to experience the feelings and emotions you have about certain events and then choose a proactive approach to dealing with situations that bring up strong emotions. Learning to observe your patterns in a non-reactive manner can help you become more self-aware and improve your self-management.
  
• A great way to boost your emotional intelligence is to learn techniques for managing your stress. When you are in control of your emotions, you are better equipped to pay attention to all the subtle social cues in your environment. You can also help the people around you manage their stress better when you approach things with a cool head. This can be challenging at first, but after you find some strategies that help you manage stress, you will be able to deal with well with any pressures that come along.
  
• Be honest and kind. A very powerful way to increase your trustworthiness is to be honest in a kind and constructive way. This does not mean to say whatever is on your mind; empathy will enable you to gauge how you can communicate in a manner that is forthright and also helpful. Learning to say things that are difficult is one of the fastest ways to gain trust and respect. It can be hard at first, but by practicing you can make this part of your approach to dealing with others. 
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Formerly on staff at the Tulane Student & Health Center of Psychiatry, helping emerging adults uncover the best path to success is my passion. I am a professional psychotherapist and I specialize in academic, success, and life coaching. I work primarily with college students and young professionals. I would love to put my expertise as a certified success coach to work for you.  

Sincerely, 

Dr. Eileen Wynne