How to Discuss Eating Disorders

In my last blog post, we looked at the signs of an eating disorder. This week I am going to discuss what you can do if you believe that a friend has an eating disorder.

A few points to remember:

• in 86% of people who have eating disorders, the disorder has been established by the age of 20 for adolescents, anorexia is the third most common chronic illness
• a quarter of college-aged women employ binging & purging as a method of weight management
• more than 1/2 of teenage girls about 1/3 of teenage boys use unhealthy weight control behaviors including: fasting and skipping meals, smoking cigarettes, vomiting, and taking laxatives.

Eating disorders are a real and prevalent concern among adolescents and emerging adults and we should be aware and vigilant. When you observe the kinds of behaviors that indicate an eating disorder, it can be extremely difficult to have a frank conversation, even with a very close friend. So what should you do if you observe an eating disorder in someone you care about?

How you can help

• A good first step, it so try to bring the topic up with your friend in private. Explain what you have observed and why you are concerned. Try to listen and be supportive in the most non-judgemental manner possible.
• If your friend is willing to discuss the eating disorder, discuss ways that they can become healthy again. Avoid blame-based statements such as, “you could get well if you’d only eat” or “all you have to do to start getting better is work out less”. Try to engage them by finding out how you can help and be supportive.
• Learn about eating disorders. There are lots of online sources from reputable organizations such as NEDA (National eating Disorders Association)  and (NIMH) National Institute of Mental Health. The more you know, the better equipped you will be to share what you know with your friend as you determine that they are ready to hear.
• Don’t hover over your friend or monitor every bite of food they eat. Eating disorders are complicated and if you become too overbearing, your friend may simply pull away.
• Remember that “fixing” your friend is not your job! Know your own limitations. At some point it may become necessary to get parents or a professional involved. You can call a hotline or talk with a counselor about next steps.
• Try to get your friend to join a support group or speak with a professional, you may even go as far as to offer to accompany them.

Eating disorders are very challenging for everyone involved. It is hard to discuss them and even harder to watch someone you care for struggle with one. If you are in this situation, be as supportive as possible while also being aware that you may need to get a professional to help your friend.

Sincerely,

Dr. Eileen Wynne

References

http://kidshealth.org/teen/food_fitness/problems/friend_eating_disorder.html

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/eating-disorders/helping-someone-with-an-eating-disorder.htm

http://www.anad.org/get-information/about-eating-disorders/eating-disorders-statistics/

Signs of an Eating Disorder

In the United States, it is estimated that between 24-30 million teens and adults have eating disorders. Women and girls tend to have eating disorders more frequently than men and boys, but in recent years, the number of males with eating disorders has increased to about 10-15% of the overall number of individuals with eating disorders. Living in a culture that is pretty much obsessed with image, in which magazines and online sources crop and airbrush models and celebrities to perfection, can have an impact on how people see themselves. This can be particularly damaging to emerging adults who are in the process of refining who they are as autonomous individuals. It is between the ages of 12-25 that eating disorders are most common. It can be difficult not to feel hyper-conscious of your body when society is telling you that to be happy and successful, you must look a certain way, it is almost impossible to escape the pressure to look perfect.

While being fit and taking care of the body is very important for good health, sometimes a person can take it too far and become obsessed with how they look, deriving feelings of success and self-worth from appearance. The need for control over the body can lead to anxiety and depression. In fact, about half of people who have an eating disorder also meet the criteria for depression. Eating disorders can be very dangerous, leading to increasing feelings of anxiety and, in extreme cases, death. Of all mental illness, eating disorders have the highest mortality rate.  Eating disorders are especially tricky to deal with because they are not actually about weight or food intake. They tend to be a way of dealing with emotional issues, stress, and anxiety. It may seem like a problem that is easy to fix, but it is more challenging to deal with an eating disorder than you may think, as the root cause is emotional. People with eating disorders tend to use their relationship with food to cope with uncomfortable or painful emotions.

What types of eating disorders are common?

An eating disorder can manifest in many ways. Basically, it is a distorted attitude about food, weight, and body image. You may observe a series of more and more extreme and restrictive diets and obsessive calorie counting. In cases where one eats less and less, becoming more thin and rigid about eating rules, you may suspect anorexia. In other cases, eating disorders can take the form of binge eating followed by the use of vomiting, laxatives, compulsive exercise, or fasting to counteract the effects of the binge. While individuals with this type of cycle, which is called bulimia, often stay about the same weight, the behaviors can be extremely detrimental to the body. Finally, binge eating disorder is an eating disorder in which people compulsively overeat, consuming large numbers of calories, followed by feelings of intense guilt and shame.  

Is it an eating disorder?

If you think the behaviors that you are observing in someone you care about may be an eating disorder, here are a few things to check for. The following list may help you to recognize the clear signs and red flags of an eating disorder. 

Someone with an eating disorder may do the following:

• Exercise all the time, even when they are already exhausted.
• “Compensate” for overeating or drinking too much by exercising, using laxatives, or fasting.
• Seem obsessed with calories, weight, and food intake.
• Avoid gatherings where friends are eating.
• Wear clothing that hides their shape.
• Visit the bathroom after eating or is heard vomiting.
• Buy laxatives often.
• Describe themselves as fat in spite of obvious weight loss.
• Focus and obsess about body parts they don’t like.
• Be competitive with others about minimal food intake.
• Gain weight  without ever eating in front of people.

If you observe several of these signs, you may want to consider discussing them with your friend. Be aware that people with eating disorders can be very uncomfortable talking about them.  Your support and encouraging your friend to seek treatment can make all the difference. Read my next blog post for advice on the steps to take if you suspect that a friend may have an eating disorder. 

Sincerely,

Dr. Eileen Wynne

References

http://kidshealth.org/teen/food_fitness/problems/friend_eating_disorder.html

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/eating-disorders/helping-someone-with-an-eating-disorder.htm

http://www.anad.org/get-information/about-eating-disorders/eating-disorders-statistics/

Sleep on It: Why adequate rest is essential for emerging adults

Sleep is Critical

Throughout your life the amount of sleep you require changes, as do many other aspects of your physical and psychological landscape. One thing that remains constant is the fact that you need to get enough sleep. Enough sleep for college students and young adults is about 8 hours per night. The National Institute of Health notes that college students are one of the most sleep deprived segments of the population. This data matters because sleep deprivation has a negative effect on memory, concentration, and students’ ability to learn.  This problem affects a major portion of the population, as 70% of Americans deal with the negative impacts of chronic sleep loss and other sleep disorders and most college students report sleep deprivation and insufficient and irregular sleep, both leading to daytime sleepiness. The results are lower GPAs, academic failures, increased auto accidents, and impaired mood.

Essential for a healthy body and mind, quality sleep is particularly important to college students because it helps reduce stress, helps you to make better judgements, improves mood, increases energy, and supports your ability to learn and retain new information. While you are asleep, your brain builds new pathways that better enable you to learn and contribute to improved memory and the increased ability to have new insights. Additionally, while you sleep, your heart rate slows down giving your over-stressed system time to relax.

Getting Enough

Now that we have established that getting enough sleep is essential to feeling good and functioning well, I am adding some tips for getting more sleep that may help you get more rest.

• Avoid consuming caffeine after about 4pm.
• Avoid consuming alcohol 4-6 hours prior to bedtime as it can seriously disrupt your sleep.
• Turn off computers, tablets, and other technology at least 30 minutes before you intend to sleep. The light from such devices can make our brains think it is daytime, in turn making them less likely to shut down.
• Do something relaxing before bed. Read a book or have a bath.
• Exercise! Physical activity improves the likelihood that you will fall asleep and get quality rest.
• Spend time outdoors. Natural light can help your body stay in touch with natural sleep-wake cycles.
• Try to develop a schedule for your school work so that you don’t have to pull all-nighters. These are bad for overall health and concentration. Good time management can have a positive impact on every aspect of your university experience.
• Sleep at night and avoid naps. This will help you stay in touch with your body’s natural rhythm. (Sleeping at the wrong time can contribute to getting out of touch with the body’s natural rhythm.

As always, I hope this information is helpful! Enough sleep can improve the quality of many different aspects of life. College is an exciting time full of rich new experiences. Daytime drowsiness can decrease the ability to fully embrace all that this time has to offer.

Sincerely,

Dr. Eileen Wynne

References:

http://campusmindworks.org/students/self_care/sleep.asp

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4075951/

http://healthresearchfunding.org/sleep-deprivation-college-students-statistics/

Moving in Together: What to consider before living with with your sweetheart

You have been dating awhile, you have met one another’s friends and families. You are exclusive and spend a lot of time at one another’s places. You think you are ready to take the next big step: cohabitation. There are lots of considerations you’ll want to understand before taking the leap. The planning and coordination involved in this first stage of the cohabitation process can be stressful, but it can also be a lot of fun. How well you work together as you search for a place, decide what to keep in your place together, and how to discuss money matter, will be a great indicator of how well matched you are for one another.

Practical Matters

You will have to discuss the logistics of living together way ahead of moving in. This first stage will be a strong indicator of how well you will communicate as you move forward. You will need to talk through all of the logistical factors of your new life together and come to mutually satisfying agreements. 

For starters, where will you live? What size apartment do you want? What part of town is best for you? There are many factors to consider when deciding where to live. 

What will you keep and what will you get rid of? You will need to work together to plan and evaluate the value of common items like furniture and electronics. You may decide to sell some things, give some to friends, donate some, and get rid of others. This is normal when you make a move, but the considerations will be more intense because you and your partner will be evaluating one another’s possessions as well as your own. 

How much can you afford to pay for rent? This may be the most challenging part of cohabitation. If you have never had to discuss money matters with a partner, this new territory may be a little intimidating. If you are going to live with your sweetheart, you will have to get used to less financial privacy. You will be responsible for whatever the two of you agree to and and accountable to your partner. This can cause tension, but if you remember to communicate, you will move through it.

How will bills be divvied up? If you make roughly the same amount of money, you may choose to split bills 50/50. If one of you makes more you may choose some other division. Whatever the case, this is definitely something you should be prepared for ahead of time. If you partner loves cable, but you are too busy for television, perhaps, they can handle that cost. Think it through so you have a good idea of how much you will need each month.

Who will do the chores? Do you hate to vacuum while your partner hates laundry? Excellent! Then you can do laundry and they can vacuum, provided that you can both agree. This seems minor, but it can cause a lot of conflict between people who live together, be it roommates or romantic partners. Try to have this chat while you are still in the planning stages of your move so that you both know where the other stands. 

Tips for romantic roommies

As with everything else in life that involves other people: communication is key! If you have fears or concerns talk about them in an open and honest manner. If you feel that you cannot talk, try to write them down. Find a way to share your feelings with your partner. Establishing great communication early on can make your relationship one that lasts for years to come. Along the way, make sure to check in with yourself and trust your gut. If you start to feel like maybe you have jumped in too soon and are not quite ready, pay attention to that inner wisdom. Once you have signed a lease together, it will be much harder to change your mind. Here are some quick tips for keeping communication on the up-and-up.

• Don’t let it fester! If you have something to talk about, don’t put it off until it becomes a big problem. Talk about things that are on your mind often so that you don’t have great big explosions of pent up frustration. 
• Plan to compromise. You are sharing your life with someone when you decide to live with them. That means you no longer get to do everything just the way you like to do it. You are going to have a compromise a good deal to have a harmonious relationship. Watch that your compromises are not too big and that you are not giving up things that are truly important to you. You should also make sure that both partners are compromising about the same amount. 
• Set ground rules. Make sure you both know what is and is not acceptable. For example, if you sweetheart is going to come up short for rent, make sure you have defined some rules about how far in advance you need to know this information. Decide who will do which chores and who will pay which bills. Think about how it will work if one of you wants to let people sleep over or have a party. Try to consider as many sensitive scenarios as you can ahead of time so that you both know where the other stands ahead of time. 
• Give each other space. Once you move in together, it is going to be harder to find quiet time. Make sure you each have a little nook in your place together where you can concentrate and work. It is also a great idea to carve out independent activities each week. A meditation class that you attend alone, a night out with friends for your partner. Be sure to find time to do things you love even if your sweetheart isn’t into them. You may feel like you have to include them in everything, but that isn’t the case. It is important for both of you to have some independent activities. 

Finally, the good stuff

After you get through the complicated part of moving in together, you can enjoy some of the benefits. As you get your place set up and the dust starts to settle, you will find that there are some great things about cohabitation. Living with your sweetheart means you will have a consistent source of emotional support. You will also enjoy the financial support of sharing responsibilities like rent, bills, and buying groceries. Finally, living with the one you love means that you will have far more opportunities to share quality time together. It can be one of the best experiences if you take the time to plan and communicate.

References:

https://www.moveline.com/couples

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-twardowski/6-questions-to-ask-before-moving-in-with-your-partner_b_7302798.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/11/tips-on-living-together_n_6122426.html

http://www.usnews.com/education/articles/2010/08/13/5-tips-to-getting-along-with-your-roommate

Sail Away! How Vacations Keep You Healthy & Happy

In the U.S. we are given far less vacation time than in most other countries. It seems we don’t fully understand the importance of taking time to rest and renew ourselves. About 40% of Americans fail to use the vacation time allotted them. In fact, a 2014 study demonstrated that in the U.S., on average, employees only take about half of the vacation time they are given and many of the people who do take vacation, work while away. This is likely true because, in spite of the fact that employees who take vacation time are more productive, have better morale, and have higher rates of retention, a study conducted by Forbes found that 17% of managers felt that employees who took vacation were less dedicated than those who did not. 

According to an article in USA Today, “The United States is the only developed country in the world without a single legally required paid vacation day or holiday. By law, every country in the European Union has at least four work weeks of paid vacation.” This wikipedia chart shows the minimum mandatory vacation days, by country, worldwide. The United States is the only country with 0 days listed. 

What are we missing?

Taking Time Off

The health benefits of time off have been demonstrated in a number of recent studies from the likes of prominent voices in the business world, such as Ernst & Young and Forbes to health authorities like Healthnet and WebMD. From dramatically cutting instances of heart attack and heart disease to healthier waistlines, the physical benefits are substantial. On top of the physical benefits, there are psychological, mental health, and wellness benefits to taking a break from routine. Some of these include:

• Less stress and a more positive outlook on life. Getting away on vacation can help alleviate the stress of your work life. By simply removing yourself from the stress inducing environment, you reset yourself. People also report feeling more satisfied with their lives during and after a vacation.
• Greater motivation to achieve goals and improved productivity at work. Several recent studies demonstrated that time off increases performance and productivity of employees.
• Decreased depression. Studies show that those who take regular, annual vacations suffer less stress and fewer instances of depression. It could be that those who take regular vacations, also have a greater commitment to self care, as these individuals also tend to have positive emotional outlooks.
• Sense of closeness to spouse and family. After a vacation, many folks report feeling more connected to family members. Additionally, spouses feel closer after a trip together, as less stress facilitates more love making and better communication.
• Growth and flexibility for young travelers. Young people who travel report feeling more independent, more trusting, and more confident after vacation. These travelers also express the desire to travel more and have new experiences. 

The bottom line: work-life balance is extremely beneficial. So, plan that vacation. Don’t let fear of making a negative impression on a manger keep you from enjoying the myriad physical and emotional benefits of resetting yourself. Your improved morale and productivity upon return will speak for themselves!

Sincerely,

Dr. Eileen Wynne

References:

http://www.usatoday.com/story/money/business/2013/06/08/countries-most-vacation-days/2400193/

http://www.forbes.com/fdc/welcome_mjx.shtml

https://www.healthnet.com/portal/home/content/iwc/home/articles/health_benefits_of_vacations.action

http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/take-a-break

https://www.ustravel.org/sites/default/files/page/2010/02/benefits_of_travel_08_pdf_87080.pdf

Get Happy! Simple Ways to Feel Happier This Summer

Though it is far more reasonable to aim for contentment, than for a constant state of happiness, we all want lots of joy in our lives. As summer approaches and many of us spend more time doing things we love, we have a great opportunity to establish habits that will bring more joy into our lives going forward. Below are several ways you can make the most of your happiness.

The Power of Gratitude

It is well established that being thankful for what you already have is one of the best ways to bolster good feelings. Taking a little time to think about all the great things you have in your life each day and even keeping a daily or weekly journal of all you feel thankful for, helps you to recognize how great your life already is. It keeps you rooted in the present. When you are thinking about how fortunate you are, it is hard to feel sad or inadequate, or to compare yourself to others.

Choose Joy

More and more psychologists are realizing that being happy is a choice. Obviously, if one is clinically depressed, there is more to the story, but generally speaking, intending to be happy, is one of the best strategies for being happy.  Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it, behaving as if you are happy until you start naturally feeling that way, but truly, you can achieve happiness by acting as if you already have it. Some ways to choose happiness include: doing things you love, spending time with people you enjoy, resting when you need to rest, eating well, and getting regular exercise. By caring for yourself, you let everyone know that your own wellbeing matters and you welcome in more people and things that bring joy into your life. Try to make conscious choices each day that demonstrate your commitment to happiness. Do things that make you feel good and you will find that other people with similar values will gravitate to you, creating a more harmonious life.

Eliminate Negativity and Negative Habits

Some negative habits that can kill joy are:

• Gossiping,
• Comparing yourself to others,
• Worrying about what other people think of you,
• Holding on to anger and resentment,
• Living in the past, and
• Trying to control things that are out of your control.

Letting these habits go can change your life dramatically. Cut away the negative behaviors that make you feel bad about yourself and try to see others the way you want to be seen. Instead of gossip, choose compassion. Instead of comparing yourself to others, try to celebrate their achievements with them and to enjoy your own as well. Remember, the grass is always greener and the same person you think has it all might be looking at you and thinking that you have it all. Try not to worry, it causes stress and emotional pain and seldom helps us improve our lives. Instead of worry, try to come up with ways to improve the situations that you would normally have worried about. Taking small actions will help you feel more in control of your life, while worry makes the mind spin and can even cause stress hormones to be released. Let go of the past. Take the valuable lessons you have learned and let the pain go. Release resentment, it seldom has any effect of the object of the feelings, but can cause significant pain to you if you choose to carry it into your future. Forgive others and you will feel lighter and more open to joy. Finally, instead of trying to control things, be flexible. See what comes to you when you are open to new experiences.

Be Active with Friends

Spending time with friends and engaging in activities that you enjoy are some of the best ways to add more joy into your life. Research shows that those who have close, meaningful relationships feel more satisfied with their lives. Sharing your triumphs and sorrows with others connects you and makes you feel like you are part of something larger. Further, engaging in activities that inspire and challenge you can increase satisfaction even more. When you are active and pushing yourself to achieve new goals, you are going to feel better about yourself and your abilities.

Feeling happier is not easy, but it is simple. You can choose practices that science has proven will improve your overall feelings of joy and satisfaction. Train yourself to look for the advantage in every situation. Choose things that make you feel good and eliminate negativity when you are able, be grateful for all your blessings, and you will start feeling lighter and stronger.

Sincerely,

Dr. Eileen Wynne

References:

http://www.webmd.com/balance/guide/choosing-to-be-happy

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/06/10-things-to-give-up-in-exchange-for-happiness/

http://www.realsimple.com/health/mind-mood/emotional-health/10-ways-happier

http://time.com/3738824/train-mind-happiness/

Wallflower Power: Why Understanding Introversion is Important

A Quarter of the Population is Misunderstood

As noted in my previous article on the subject: “Introverts tend to be reserved and solitary, while extroverts are typically characterized as outgoing and social.” We have already discussed the fact that about 25% of the population is thought to be introverted. The primary differences between introverts and extroverts are neurological and biological. Introvert brains processes information differently, using many parts of the brain when making decisions and coming to conclusions, and therefore, they have slower processing speeds. The other key difference between introverts and extroverts is the way they feel about social situations. Extroverts tend to feel alive and energized in groups and social settings, while introverts can quickly become exhausted when they are required to interact with a group. Introverts need lots of quiet, alone time to replenish themselves. 

Since extroverts make up the majority of the population, it has become the ideal by default. Introversion is just beginning to be understood, and therefore, we have a misunderstood minority that has been forced to try to live in a world made by and for an extroverted majority. This means that many people who are introverted have been required to behave as if they are extroverts or feel as if there is something wrong with them. This doesn’t benefit anyone because society as a whole loses the valuable input of a sizeable segment when it ignores  introverts. 

The Value of Introverts

When Susan Cain wrote her New York Times bestseller Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, she got people around the world thinking about introverts and how recognizing and respecting the unique characteristics of introverted people is enormously important. The subsequent TedTalk empowered introverts around the world to start thinking about their own value and how many of the spaces and activities in our culture are designed by and for extroverts. In particular, Cain addressed the way that collaboration and group work has taken the place of independent study and work in many university classes and corporate office environments, and how that may be highly detrimental to innovation, as the most dominant voice in a group is likely to influence the others on a team. Extroverts like to talk through ideas in meetings, whereas introverts need quiet space to think through an idea. This means that introvert voices and opinions can be completely drowned out and lost in group situations. 

Why does this matter? 

Besides the fact that about a quarter of the team goes unheard, introverts are deep thinkers and tend to process matters more thoroughly, so losing their input means losing very thoughtfully considered opinions. The different brain wiring of introverts also makes writing a very valuable means of communication for them. Writing uses different pathways in the brain that speaking does and this form of communication comes naturally to folks who are introverted, allowing for high levels of fluency. Meetings and group projects don’t offer the same space for writing as independent work does, therefore eliminating the ability for introverted individuals to work through problems and in turn, losing their valuable input. Recognizing the introverts in your work and school environment, will allow you to capitalize on their deep thinking and maximize the value of your teams. 

We live in a world that is rich with diversity of all kinds, the more we recognize all the different approaches to thinking and being that exist, the more amazing our world will be. 

Wondering if you may be an introvert? Take Susan Cain’s informal quiz to find out.

Sincerely, 
Dr. Eileen Wynne

References

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0KYU2j0TM4

http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/on-leadership/wp/2013/09/24/the-science-of-introverts-and-the-workplace/

http://introvertdear.com/2015/05/13/the-science-behind-why-introverts-struggle-to-speak/