Gratitude is Good For You!

Gratitude is defined as the quality of being thankful for what is, some noteworthy aspects of gratitude are:

·         Gratitude is an affirmation of goodness
·         Gratitude recognizes that this goodness comes from outside of the self

Gratitude is profoundly positive emotion, it is a key component in positive psychology. Yet it is frequently discounted or overlooked as a tool for improving mood. Recent scientific studies have demonstrated a number of benefits that come as a direct result of cultivating and practicing gratitude.  Gratitude inspires us to take better care of our health and helps us cope with stress. Those who practice gratitude also have stronger relationships and immune systems, lower blood pressure, and more joy! Recognizing what we are thankful for is a fairly straightforward and simple practice which does not require any equipment or monthly fees, it’s silly not to practice gratitude!

How your life can grow with gratitude

Grateful people experience an increased sense of well-being and joy. Gratitude also increases optimism, empathy,  and self-esteem. Being appreciative can change the emotional landscape of your life in other ways too,  a 2014 study showed that when you thank new acquaintances, they feel more compelled to work for a continued relationship. When you take the time to thank colleagues for contributions, they feel a greater desire to work with you in the future. Gratitude can literally build and strengthen relationships. Gratitude also reduces tendencies toward aggression because grateful people are more sensitive to the feelings of others. Envy is a contributing factor in poor self-esteem and research demonstrates that feeling thankful for what you have reduces the tendency to make social comparisons and feel envious.

Healthy habits

You may have heard that it is not possible to feel gratitude and fear at the same time.  Research has proven that it is true, it is a fact of neurology that the states of fear and appreciation are mutually exclusive. By reducing toxic emotions like fear, frustration, and envy, studies have demonstrated that feelings of gratitude can increase happiness and reduce instances of depression. Additionally, people who practice gratitude report feeling healthier and take better care of themselves, exercising and visiting their primary care physician for regular checkups. resulting in better health overall.

Practicing gratitude

Now that we have demonstrated that cultivating gratitude has myriad benefits, let’s look at a few approaches that you can take to developing your own practice of gratitude.

Gratitude journal

The most popular gratitude practice is probably keeping a gratitude journal. According to a 2014 study, keeping  a gratitude journal results in better, longer sleep, and who can’t use a little more rest in this busy world? To develop this practice, it is recommended that you keep your journal in the same place and choose a time when you will write in it each day. As with any other habit or practice, consistency is key. By spending only 5 minutes each day writing a list of a few things you feel thankful for, you can improve your outlook and your life!

First thoughts/last thoughts

A great way to set the tone of your day is with gratitude. Upon waking, before you spring into action (or stumble to the coffee pot) think of a few things for which you are thankful. This will set a positive tone for the whole day. Alternately, you may choose to spend the last few minutes before you drift off to sleep thinking about the things you appreciate in your life. This will bring your day to a calm and happy close. Preparing you for a restful night of sleep.

Thank you notes

The lost art of the thank you note is something that is seldom remembered, but always appreciated. While those of us who are a little older were taught that taking the time to send a written thank you was vitally important, the practice has fallen out of fashion. If you send thanks to folks who have done something thoughtful for you, you will be amazed by the delight they express at being appreciated in such a concrete way.  This is a special gratitude practice because while you are writing the note, you are in gratitude mode, and then when you experience the appreciation the recipient feels at being appreciated, you will again be put in that state of mind!

These are only a few practices, you may think of ways to consider your own appreciation that works better for you. Developing an attitude of gratitude can literally transform your life. Being appreciative makes you feel better about yourself and more compassionate toward others. Choosing a simple daily practice of gratitude is free and has the potential to improve every part of your daily life. It’s a win-win!

Sincerely, 

Dr. Eileen Wynne

References:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/gratitude

http://www.webmd.com/women/features/gratitute-health-boost

http://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2014/11/23/7-scientifically-proven-benefits-of-gratitude-that-will-motivate-you-to-give-thanks-year-round/#4536792e6800

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/05/17/grateful-and-depressed-you-can-be-both/

Neverland: The alarming new trend with Millennial men

Recently there have been several articles in prominent publications and television news pieces about the alarming trend of young men failing to launch into adulthood.  Many of the articles look at this disturbing trend from the angle that positions young women as more ambitious and better educated than their male counterparts making the story seem like a positive one. In reality, even though celebrating the achievements of young women is wonderful and vitally important to our society, the fact that it seems to be happening at the expense of young men, or in contrast to the dramatic decrease in motivation of males, is a very real problem with potentially far-reaching consequences. Women are not getting ahead strictly on the basis of increased effort, though they are definitely working hard. There is another factor at play that we could not have predicted.

According to a recent article in the UK’s Daily Mail, new research shows that The U.S. “is producing a generation of 'lost boys' who lack the drive to start their careers and instead drop out of college and end up languishing in their parents' basements surfing the internet.” This assessment may seem harsh, but the data backs it up. Women are earning a larger percentage of degrees than their male counterparts. In addition, between 1970-2007 women’s salaries have increased by 44%, while men have only seen a 6% increase. While this increase may point to the equalizing of the pay gap in society, it may also be a component in the lack of motivation we are seeing in young men. The unemployment rate for young men has also increased. From about 5% in 1950 to what we are currently experiencing, the highest recorded rate of  20%.

% Degrees Earned by Gender

Implications for greater society

An article posted by CNN linked this new set of behaviors, lack of motivation, and failure to mature to larger issues; to things like men being more distant from family and out-of-wedlock birthrates.  The educational gender gap also means that there are more females in college than males, and they have been called the new economic underclass as many young men may fall behind losing prospects for partnership. In fact, we are already seeing and an increasing number of young couples are delaying marriage or foregoing it altogether. Studies have shown that men between the ages of 18-34 spend more of their time playing video games than those who are 12-17. Many young men stay at home, living with parents longer and have lower employment than female counterparts. The very real problem of a generation unprepared for the challenges of managing adult life and participating in larger society.

What is behind this alarming trend?

Numerous factors have been pointed to as the causes of this trend:

• The job market: fewer promising prospects for the future
• Addictions: the availability of various substances as well as that of internet and video games
• Apathy and lack of passion: many young men report experiencing feelings of hopeless and disillusionment starting in high school
• Films and television shows that glamorize underachieving, immature men and applaud the stereotype
• Changing gender roles which lead to confusion about what role young men should play in society and relationships

Unfortunately, no one has yet been able to pinpoint the true origin of the problem. To date, we have mostly noted the symptoms and begun to study the trends more closely. What we do know is that in the current culture, many young men are failing to set and achieve goals.  They are not meeting  responsibilities or achieving on par with their potential. And what we also know is that we don’t know quite how to address the issue.  

Shifting ideas of adulthood

It may well be that what we are witnessing is a generation developing new definitions of success and adulthood. New ways of approaching politics, career, consumerism, and relationships are emerging with the Millennials. There have been innumerable articles written about how Millennials value doing good over making lots of money and how they tend to want to rent rather than buy a home. There are many values held by this emerging generation that differ strongly from the ones that came before. It is possible that this new trend is part of the transition to a new way of relating to life and society.

Sincerely,

Dr. Eileen Wynne

References

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2011261/Americas-Lost-Boys-Why-ARE-young-men-failing-grow-up.html

http://www.phillymag.com/articles/the-sorry-lives-and-confusing-times-of-today-s-young-men/

http://www.today.com/health/boys-men-why-guys-arent-growing-2D80556234

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/10/education/edlife/teaching-men-to-be-emotionally-honest.html?_r=0

http://pages.uoregon.edu/eherman/teaching/texts/DiPrete%20&%20Buchmann,%202013%20Briefing%20The-rise-of-women.pdf

http://www.cnn.com/2011/10/04/opinion/bennett-men-in-trouble/

http://www.thefiscaltimes.com/2015/06/10/Rise-New-Economic-Underclass-Millennial-Men

Campus Concerns: Mental health impacts dropout rates

In recent headlines, there have been an increasing number of news stories and opinion pieces looking at what’s been called a college mental health crisis by some and an epidemic of mental illness on campus by others.  Whatever you call it, there is certainly a problem with college students and young adults getting adequate access to appropriate mental health care resources.  A study in the Annals of Emergency Medicine noted an increasing number (2.6%) of mental health-related ED visits made by young adults (19-25). This study suggests that a lack of proper mental health resources is to blame for this upswing. Not knowing where to go for mental health related concerns, young people are going to the emergency room with greater frequency. There are also more news and media sources paying attention and drawing important conclusions about the high levels of stress, anxiety, and depression facing young adults today. This increase in the prevalence of mental health conditions is impacting young people during college years and causing problems that have longer lasting effects, leading to an increasing number of dropouts among those suffering from untreated mental health issues.

In 2012, The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) compiled a survey of called College Students Speak: A Survey Report on Mental Health. This report looked at the web-based survey responses of 765  young adults who were enrolled in college or had been in the last 5 years who were also diagnosed with a mental health conditions. Important recent news has drawn attention to the dramatic increase in students reporting mental health issues on college campuses across the U.S., and this survey took  a deeper look at the effects.  The report demonstrated that a disheartening byproduct of this lack of appropriate mental health resources for so many young adults is a the inability to handle life’s responsibilities and the subsequent rise in college dropout rates among people ages 16-24. In fact, 64% of the respondents in the NAMI survey were no longer in school, and of those, an overwhelming majority noted that mental health related issues were the cause of this non-attendance. Throughout their lifetimes, women are two times more likely to be depressed making the likelihood that women will experience college dropout higher.

This is alarming news as competition for jobs becomes more intense and the lack of well-paying, long-term positions means that millennials entering the job market need to be more broadly skilled and flexible than any group entering the market in recent history. An education is not the most important thing, but it is an undeniable asset in a tough market, and the results of recent studies demonstrate that those with mental health issues are starting their adult lives and careers at a disadvantage, with higher dropout rates that people who don’t contend with such issues. Reasons for dropouts range from loss of scholarship funds because of mental health leave to inability to resume studies because of chronic mental health conditions. Leaving school may present other concerns for the student. First, they may lose access to the mental health services the university provided. They may also lose the structure of life that university life provided.

It is clear that if making resources available is the most critical factor for struggling students, raising awareness about these resources is a close second in terms of importance.  But how best to achieve all these ends?

Removing barriers to support

In the NAMI Survey, responders note the types of resources that might have helped them stay in school. Campus mental health services, housing, and a number of other accommodations were cited as items that could help support students struggling with mental health issues regain equilibrium and stay in school.

Investing in mental health services on campus, is clearly a wise choice for universities and colleges, as I have noted in previous articles on this subject. In addition, when colleges partner with local providers and spread the word to students about resources using social media, outreach programs, handouts in health centers, and the school’s website to help promote increased access to services, everyone wins. Many students have reported not being aware of services in place to help them, so getting the word out, is vital. Linking students to services, whether they are financial, medical, or other support services can truly change the course of their futures.

Many students are not aware that mental health issues can be considered disabilities and that they may be able to get access to mental health providers and additional accommodations through the Disability Resource Center (DRC). Reaching out to students who are struggling can mean the difference between staying in school and dropping out. Some other critical accommodations for students facing mental health issues are:

• Making exceptions and excusing absences for mental health treatment
• Extensions for homework assignments and papers
• Test-taking adjustments
• Allowing students to withdraw from courses without penalties
• Medical leaves for students with mental health conditions
• Helping students with the paperwork necessary to get help
• Working to stamp out stigma associated with mental health issues

We are living in times of tremendous change. Giving students all the help we can to help them succeed is more important than it ever has been as the career certainties that older generations relied upon evaporate, making way for new ways of making a living and navigating society.  

Sincerely,

Dr. Eileen Wynne

Reference:

https://www.nami.org/getattachment/About-NAMI/Publications-Reports/Survey-Reports/College-Students-Speak_A-Survey-Report-on-Mental-Health-NAMI-2012.pdf

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200505/the-new-college-dropout

http://www.behavioral.net/news-item/young-adults-still-going-er-mental-illnesses

http://www.collegedegreesearch.net/student-suicides/

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/stress-less-stigma-drives-college-students-mental-health-services/

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/02/education/edlife/stress-social-media-and-suicide-on-campus.html?_r=0

http://ccmh.psu.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/3058/2015/02/2014-CCMH-Annual-Report.pdf

How to Cope with Ghosting

Ghosting has made headlines lately. It is a relatively new term for what some consider to be a 21st century dating problem. An informal survey of friends will generate myriad tales of being ghosted, and the ensuing confusion and emotional fallout. 

What is ghosting? Also termed the “slow fade”, ghosting is the phenomenon by which one person ends a dating relationship by simply disappearing. They don’t explain what went wrong, they don’t tell the other person that the relationship has ended. They simply stop communicating. So who is ghosting? An October 2014 poll conducted by YouGov and The Huffington Post demonstrated that 11% of adult Americans have ghosted.

In truth, this phenomenon is not a new one. People have been ghosted for ages. Ghosting is painful and confusing for the person on the receiving end. It can cause all kinds of problems for the ghosted party including esteem issues and self doubt. It can even lead to depression.

We live in the era of online dating where potential partners can seem limitless and disposable. With the seemingly endless options, dropping one opportunity to pursue another can seem commonplace. Taking the time to end one situation before beginning another, just a formality. Except it isn’t just a formality. Showing basic respect to others is key to having a functional society.

Why Ghosting is Harmful to Both Parties

What is wrong with ghosting? For the victim of ghosting, there is the uncertainty. When someone you have been on a few dates with and seem to be getting along with suddenly stops communicating without explanation, there are all kinds of things that happen. You wonder if they have been hurt. You wonder if they have gone on vacation. You assume something reasonable has occurred, at first. This prolongs the time you are “in” the relationship and respectively the time it takes you to heal from it. When you are unaware that the relationship has ended, you are not free to grieve or deal with the aftermath, in fact, you are not aware that there is anything to deal with. Ultimately,  you can’t move on. The next phase for the ghosting victim is self doubt. You wonder what you did wrong. You wonder what happened. This can be painful. When you don’t know why someone discontinued a relationship, all of your worst insecurities can rise to the surface causing issues of self esteem.

For the person who disappears, the ghoster, if you will, the key problem is that they fail to accept responsibility and grow emotionally. Relationships are challenging and ending relationships even more so. Still, learning how to respectfully discontinue a romance is something adults are required to do. Failure to accept emotional responsibility for ending a relationship you have voluntarily undertaken is immature and can be detrimental to overall emotional growth. Though ghosting happens at all ages, this is particularly true for emerging adults who are coming into their own and accepting all kinds now new responsibilities, avoidance in this core area of development can have lasting effects.

How to Cope with Ghosting

While this phenomenon seems to be becoming more socially permissible, when in actuality, it is unacceptable. So, how do you get over being ghosted? First of all, commit to not ghosting yourself. Popular wisdom states that the only thing you really have any control over is yourself, and that is definitely true when it comes to ghosting. As a young adult in a world where the online dating options are seemingly limitless and expectations are fairly low, make a commitment to being respectful, honest, and mature. Telling someone who seems pretty into you that you are just not interested is never going to be easy, but it is courteous and ultimately beneficial to both of you. Every adult needs to learn how to handle difficult communication, it is a critical part of being an effective communicator. Next, when you have been ghosted, try to focus on the fact that you’ve been lucky to get out early. A person who thinks that falling off the face of the earth with no word about why, it probably not a person you could have had a strong and lasting relationship with. Count your blessings. Finally, after any kind of rejection, it is important to focus on boosting your own self esteem back up. Do things you love and that make you feel good about yourself. Spend time with trusted friends. Take care of yourself. Ghosting is extremely unpleasant and chances are you or someone you love will have this experience. Focusing on the fact that it probably says more about the disappearing party than is does about you, is a good way to move forward. 

Sincerely,

Dr. Eileen Wynne

References

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/30/ghosting-dating-_n_6028958.html

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/26/fashion/exes-explain-ghosting-the-ultimate-silent-treatment.html?_r=0

http://elitedaily.com/dating/ghosting-impacts-dating/1027661/

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/ghosting

How to Discuss Eating Disorders

In my last blog post, we looked at the signs of an eating disorder. This week I am going to discuss what you can do if you believe that a friend has an eating disorder.

A few points to remember:

• in 86% of people who have eating disorders, the disorder has been established by the age of 20 for adolescents, anorexia is the third most common chronic illness
• a quarter of college-aged women employ binging & purging as a method of weight management
• more than 1/2 of teenage girls about 1/3 of teenage boys use unhealthy weight control behaviors including: fasting and skipping meals, smoking cigarettes, vomiting, and taking laxatives.

Eating disorders are a real and prevalent concern among adolescents and emerging adults and we should be aware and vigilant. When you observe the kinds of behaviors that indicate an eating disorder, it can be extremely difficult to have a frank conversation, even with a very close friend. So what should you do if you observe an eating disorder in someone you care about?

How you can help

• A good first step, it so try to bring the topic up with your friend in private. Explain what you have observed and why you are concerned. Try to listen and be supportive in the most non-judgemental manner possible.
• If your friend is willing to discuss the eating disorder, discuss ways that they can become healthy again. Avoid blame-based statements such as, “you could get well if you’d only eat” or “all you have to do to start getting better is work out less”. Try to engage them by finding out how you can help and be supportive.
• Learn about eating disorders. There are lots of online sources from reputable organizations such as NEDA (National eating Disorders Association)  and (NIMH) National Institute of Mental Health. The more you know, the better equipped you will be to share what you know with your friend as you determine that they are ready to hear.
• Don’t hover over your friend or monitor every bite of food they eat. Eating disorders are complicated and if you become too overbearing, your friend may simply pull away.
• Remember that “fixing” your friend is not your job! Know your own limitations. At some point it may become necessary to get parents or a professional involved. You can call a hotline or talk with a counselor about next steps.
• Try to get your friend to join a support group or speak with a professional, you may even go as far as to offer to accompany them.

Eating disorders are very challenging for everyone involved. It is hard to discuss them and even harder to watch someone you care for struggle with one. If you are in this situation, be as supportive as possible while also being aware that you may need to get a professional to help your friend.

Sincerely,

Dr. Eileen Wynne

References

http://kidshealth.org/teen/food_fitness/problems/friend_eating_disorder.html

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/eating-disorders/helping-someone-with-an-eating-disorder.htm

http://www.anad.org/get-information/about-eating-disorders/eating-disorders-statistics/

Signs of an Eating Disorder

In the United States, it is estimated that between 24-30 million teens and adults have eating disorders. Women and girls tend to have eating disorders more frequently than men and boys, but in recent years, the number of males with eating disorders has increased to about 10-15% of the overall number of individuals with eating disorders. Living in a culture that is pretty much obsessed with image, in which magazines and online sources crop and airbrush models and celebrities to perfection, can have an impact on how people see themselves. This can be particularly damaging to emerging adults who are in the process of refining who they are as autonomous individuals. It is between the ages of 12-25 that eating disorders are most common. It can be difficult not to feel hyper-conscious of your body when society is telling you that to be happy and successful, you must look a certain way, it is almost impossible to escape the pressure to look perfect.

While being fit and taking care of the body is very important for good health, sometimes a person can take it too far and become obsessed with how they look, deriving feelings of success and self-worth from appearance. The need for control over the body can lead to anxiety and depression. In fact, about half of people who have an eating disorder also meet the criteria for depression. Eating disorders can be very dangerous, leading to increasing feelings of anxiety and, in extreme cases, death. Of all mental illness, eating disorders have the highest mortality rate.  Eating disorders are especially tricky to deal with because they are not actually about weight or food intake. They tend to be a way of dealing with emotional issues, stress, and anxiety. It may seem like a problem that is easy to fix, but it is more challenging to deal with an eating disorder than you may think, as the root cause is emotional. People with eating disorders tend to use their relationship with food to cope with uncomfortable or painful emotions.

What types of eating disorders are common?

An eating disorder can manifest in many ways. Basically, it is a distorted attitude about food, weight, and body image. You may observe a series of more and more extreme and restrictive diets and obsessive calorie counting. In cases where one eats less and less, becoming more thin and rigid about eating rules, you may suspect anorexia. In other cases, eating disorders can take the form of binge eating followed by the use of vomiting, laxatives, compulsive exercise, or fasting to counteract the effects of the binge. While individuals with this type of cycle, which is called bulimia, often stay about the same weight, the behaviors can be extremely detrimental to the body. Finally, binge eating disorder is an eating disorder in which people compulsively overeat, consuming large numbers of calories, followed by feelings of intense guilt and shame.  

Is it an eating disorder?

If you think the behaviors that you are observing in someone you care about may be an eating disorder, here are a few things to check for. The following list may help you to recognize the clear signs and red flags of an eating disorder. 

Someone with an eating disorder may do the following:

• Exercise all the time, even when they are already exhausted.
• “Compensate” for overeating or drinking too much by exercising, using laxatives, or fasting.
• Seem obsessed with calories, weight, and food intake.
• Avoid gatherings where friends are eating.
• Wear clothing that hides their shape.
• Visit the bathroom after eating or is heard vomiting.
• Buy laxatives often.
• Describe themselves as fat in spite of obvious weight loss.
• Focus and obsess about body parts they don’t like.
• Be competitive with others about minimal food intake.
• Gain weight  without ever eating in front of people.

If you observe several of these signs, you may want to consider discussing them with your friend. Be aware that people with eating disorders can be very uncomfortable talking about them.  Your support and encouraging your friend to seek treatment can make all the difference. Read my next blog post for advice on the steps to take if you suspect that a friend may have an eating disorder. 

Sincerely,

Dr. Eileen Wynne

References

http://kidshealth.org/teen/food_fitness/problems/friend_eating_disorder.html

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/eating-disorders/helping-someone-with-an-eating-disorder.htm

http://www.anad.org/get-information/about-eating-disorders/eating-disorders-statistics/